𝕴 𝖉𝖔𝖓'𝖙 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚 ~ Regulus black x reader

17

I hate school. I fucking hate this, I'm being trapped. this place is a literal hell. timelines and timetable, schedules and schoolwork and worst of all; the people, I still had to deal with Allester for another year. I just wanted my life back, I was clean, anxiety-free, and I could do whatever I wanted. I wanted to go for a walk? I fucking got it! I wanted to be alone, go to a party, go get a piercing, get another tattoo? I could do anything I fucking wanted. but here, I was stuck, I had to talk with people every five minutes, I was fine with doing the work or, I would be if people would leave me alone. After basically living alone for three months my anxiety around people has doubled. 

I started drinking and smoking again. heavily. I'm just over 16 and struggling with addictions. this isn't right, honestly, at this point, I just want to leave. I haven't relapsed... yet, but I'm seconds away. I never sleep in my dorm but, my worst struggle yet was seeing Regulus every day. I missed him desperately, but it was him that drove me to my alcoholism to try and stay friends with him. but every time I see his face, my heart aches a little more. I didn't try in classes anymore, granted I didn't need to, it came naturally.  Immediately after classes, I retreated to my now secluded library room where I had moved a bed. I spent my nights afternoons and mornings crying and drinking.

I had everything I needed, when did it all go to shit. if this continues I don't think I can or want to return to Hogwarts next year. it used to be my safe space but now it was my literal nightmare. 

I laid on my temporary bed in the library, starring at the ceiling the familiar buzz of alcohol on my mind. 

I ignored the sound of the door creaking open. and a loud disappointed sigh. I just starred at the white ceiling, unblinking. he leaned over me, long black hair falling over his face. his grey, blue eyes stared into mine. his mouth was moving but I couldn't hear over the incessant ringing in my ears. I sat up groaning and the sound rushed back to my ears. 

"Y/n! Y/n!?" 

"whatttttt" 

"We haven't seen you in months, James is getting worried, we all are, please just come out, do something! have you even eaten at all this week?" I had to think about that, but I shook my head no. he sighed, I could see the hurt in his eyes. my voice was scratchy and sore from the alcohol 

"I don't wanna go anywhere pads, there's too many people, I-I can't" he nodded, 

"yeah I get it but, Y/n/n I- I'm gonna ask Remus out today, like right now. and I need you there" I turned my neck to fast it almost snapped. 

"Really!?" he nodded, his eyes brimming with anxiety. 

"Okay, I'll come" I stood up, I was still in my Slytherin robes, 

"un, do you think I could get a sec?"

"oh yeah sorry" he walked out of the little room and I quickly scattered around the room, putting on makeup and changing at the same time. I basically dumped a whole bottle of perfume on myself before brushing my hair and walking out, flashing a very fake smile, Cringing at the bright lights. stupid inner vamp. Sirius was pacing anxiously in the hall 

"Let's go!" I grabbed his hand and pulled him behind me,

"so, um, what would you say if I told you, I did that just to get you out of there?" I stopped turning slowly on my heel to face him, a look of absolute murder on my face. 

"you. did. what." I let go of his hand and began to walk back to the library, my heels angrily slamming against the stone floors.

"Y/n!? Y/n wait! Please?" he ran after me, I stopped when he jumped in front of me, I let out a low growl. 

"I am simultaneously drunk and hungover right now and you pulled me up for a bullshit lie you made up, and now you think I'm just gonna stay here" he looked at me his eyes wide and pleading,

"please Y/n, we just want to see you even just for a couple of minutes, James is getting so stressed he hasn't asked out lily in four weeks!" I shifted my weight from one foot to the other rapidly,

"I-I can't Sirius, t-there's too many people" he pulled me into a hug 

"I know, they just wanna know your okay"

"we'll I've seen you, you know I'm fine. tell them that. and leave me the fuck alone." I pushed him off and ran down the hall. Back to safety, back to loneliness. Running into the arms of my addictions.  I immediately collapsed as the hidden bookcase-door closed behind me. crying my eyes out. a scorching, burning, fear rising inside me. my breathing quickened and the room span. I tried to shake it off, walk over to my bed but my legs gave out before I could make it. my head hit the floor harshly and the world slowly faded into a dark haze.  

this was fine. everything's fine. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sorry I know it's really short I'm just tryna get chapters out... fair warning most of you are gonna be pretty pissed with how I end this book *evil smirk*