Kissing the actress (womanxwoman)

Chapter 13, Confusion

After a night with very little sleep, I went to my office, only to be confronted with a total lack of concentration. I didn't even feel jealous of that man. I felt deep, torturing pain, disappointment, anger at myself, and sickness in my stomach as I thought of Sandra having sex with the man. I remembered waiting impatiently for lunch the day before. How quickly things could change! I didn't want to see Sandra. I would tell them I'd eat alone.

A knock on my door; not the usual tapping of her fingers, but I still recognized Sandra's hand. I chose to keep quiet.

"Jos? Are you in there?" Why was Sandra's voice so sexy, that even at this moment, I felt myself melt?

"I'll eat later."

"Please Jos. We need to talk." Sandra's voice trembled.

"I think you should listen to her", I heard Thelma's voice. Thelma knew I loved Sandra, so if she thought I should listen to her, I probably should. Sandra must have told her what happened the night before, and I trusted Thelma's wise opinion.

"Alright", I said reluctantly.

"We'll buy lunch, for you too, and eat it in your office, is that okay?" I heard Thelma say.

"Fine."

"Back in a tick", Thelma said.

A knock on my door again, this time from Thelma.

"Come in," I said, though my feelings wished them to the other side of the world.

They came in, with three tray's. One of them contained a plate with my favorite sandwiches. Would Thelma have chosen them... or Sandra? We sat down on my couch, Sandra in the middle.

"Jos, are you mad at me?" Sandra showed nothing of her usual confident, playful and cheerful nature.

I didn't answer.

"Why did you leave suddenly yesterday evening?" Her voice trembled again.

"Because it was obvious that you wanted to spend the evening with him."

"I thought we could chat with the three of us."

"Then you thought wrong," I said sharply.

I saw drops fall on Sandra's tray. She was crying. It hurt me, but I had to say these things. She could weep, but my heart was broken.

"So, did you have a good time?" My tone was still harsh. I wanted to know what had happened, no matter how much pain it would cause me.

"No! I went to the studios shortly after you. I'd hoped to catch up with you, but you were gone already."

"Why did you go after me? You liked the man, you should have stayed with him."

"I didn't like him!" Sandra cried, much to my surprise. "Not more than any other guy. I'd just... I'd just hoped you two would like each other. You looked so lovely, Jos, I was sure he'd like you."

I stared at her, crying beside me. So, she hadn't liked him! But she tried to hook me up with a man, even though I had told her before that I didn't want her to interfere. And she wanted me to get a boyfriend. So, the truth was not much better than I thought the situation had been.

"I've told you before, let me be!"

"But I want you to be happy, Jos!" Sandra cried.

"I am happy! At least I was, yesterday evening, until you spoiled it."

"I don't think Jos needs a guy to make her happy", Thelma intervened, scaring me with her words. But Sandra was still totally blind for the obvious truth.