Bullets Of Pain [Serano Duology #1]

Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Yes

Ilang segundong katahimikan ang naghari sa amin nang naglakad paalis si JK mula sa grupo. Napasinghap ako dahil sa nangyari, walang naglakas loob na magsalita.

"Excuse me" pagbabasag ko sa katahimikan, tiyaka tuluyang tumayo para sundan si JK.

Tuluyan na sana akong makakaalis ng biglang may humawak sa aking pulso. It was Charles. Hindi ko maipalawanag ang mga mata niya ngayon habang hawak-hawak niya ako. Hindi mahigpit ang pagkakahawak niya, I gave him my weak smile. Unti-unti kong inalis ang pagkakahawak niya sa aking pulso tiyaka nagmadaling umalis para masundan ko si JK.

Hindi ko alam kung anong nasa isip ng mga kasama namin tungkol sa namamagitan sa aming tatlo pero wala na akong pake sa iisipin nila basta magkaayos lang kami ni JK. It must be hard for him, watching us happy while he's hurting. I mess up.

May kakaunting ilaw ang dinadaanan namin, dala ng mga maliliit na ilaw sa ilalim ng puno. Tuloy-tuloy lang si JK sa paglalakad, kaya tumakbo na ako para maabutan siya. Masyadong malalaki ang mga hakbang niya. Nang makalapit na ako sakaniya kaagad kong hinawakan ang braso niya dahilan ng pagtigil niya.

He look at me with his hurting eyes. Damn. I hurt him. I hurt the person who didn't do anything but to love me. I hurt him!

"JK, hear me out. Please" pakiusap ko sakaniya. I saw how he clench his jaw. Pumikit siya ng mariin tiyaka tumango.

"What is it?" He tried to sound cold but I know he is not. He can't be cold with me, I feel it. He's trying but he need to try harder.

"I'm sorry" he look at me seriously and nod.

"You told me that the day I confessed" simpleng sagot niya. Sa pagkakataong ito, ako ang pumikit ng mariin.

"I don't know. Hindi ko alam kung paano susuklian ang pagmamahal mo sa aki-" he cut my words, he didn't let to finish me.

"You don't have to if you are still in love with him" naramdaman ko ang pait sa boses niya habang binibigkas niya ang mga salitang iyon.

"I really hate myself" I pause. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko dudugtungan ang sasabihin ko.

"You're breaking the rules. Whatever we heard, whatever we had talked to that damn bonfire will stay there" nakita ko ang pagyukom ng kamao niya.

"Well I choose to break the rules" I shrug my shoulder. "I hate myself for hurting you. I hate myself for being the reason why you and Charles friendship was broken, it is because of me right?" Tanong ko sakaniya. Unti-unting namuo ang mga luha sa aking mga mata dahil sa susunod na sasahihin ko "And I fucking hate myself that I didn't try enough to be with you even though you avoided me. Maybe I did but not enough. I hate myself for being selfish that I need you by my side even it's mean hurting you. And I fucking hate myself because I want you to stay with me even I am clearly in love with someone else" sa puntong ito, I can't help but to cry.

Yes, I need him. Yes, I want him to stay. Yes, I am selfish that I want him by my side even it's hurt him like hell. Am I that bad? I can't afford to lose someone like him. To lose JK in my life. I want to reach our dreams together just like how we promised we will.

Naramdaman ko ang palad ni JK sa pisngi ko habang pinupusan ang mga luha ko. Lalo lang akong napaluha dahil sa ginawa niya. This is what I miss! I miss him!

"Hush now, Natnat" Even the way he called me make me cry more! "I'll never leave you, I promised you that right?" Tanong niya sa akin, parang bata tumango ako sa tanong niya pero

"But you already did" sabi ko habang humihikbi ako. Umiling siya sa sinabi ko.

"No. I didn't leave you. I will never" matigas na sabi niya "All I did is to give some space between us, to remind my self that no matter how hard I try, you will choose him over me" pumikit siya ng mariin pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon. "I want to remind my self that we are not meant to each other. I give myself time to think and I promise to myself when I'm ready, i'll come back to you"