Jocelyn's River

Jocelyn's River: Chapter 15

The silence was too loud.  Every five minutes or so, I'd glance her way.  I was angry at myself because of my actions.  I wanted to speak, to apologize, to at least say something, but what?

            “Jocelyn,” I breathed her name.  It was the first word spoken since we got in the truck.  She was taking off the overalls as I drove.  “Baby, I'm beatin' myself up in my mind here 'cause I done upset you and---”

            “I'm not mad at you,” she interjected. 

            I sighed in relief.  “Then what's wrong?” I asked.

            She just shook her head.  “Nothing,” she lied.

            “You know you cain't lie to me,” I said.

            “It's nothing, River,” she uttered.  “I promise you.”

            Something was wrong with her and I still felt that the energy of her anger was shooting towards me.  It was impossible for the effects my actions had on her to come and go so quickly.  How could she lie?  It was obvious she was having some serious thoughts and I wished I could read her mind for just this once, but that would spoil everything.  I understood that she was building a wall by not telling me.  I didn't like that.

            “Do you wanna see my ma before I take you back?”

            “Sure,” she answered and that's when she finally looked at me.  The tone of her voice was brighter. 

            The sudden brightness of her voice lifted my heart.  Mama would unquestionably lighten the mood between us and so I drove on to my neighborhood where all was quiet since everyone was settling down.  Parents were calling their kids inside for dinner.  Me and Jocelyn did not say anything to each other as we went inside the apartment building and entered the elevator that took us up to the third floor.  She waited as I took out the keys from my front pocket and unlocked the door.  Aunt Debbie was sitting on the sofa and the sound of the door opening caught her attention and she turned around to see us coming in.

            Aunt Debbie got up from the couch and came towards us. 

            “You're back,” she said and then she looked at Jocelyn.  “Who's your friend?”

            “This is Jocelyn Smith,” I said.  “And Jocelyn this is my uncle's wife Debra.  Jocelyn's visitin' her family down here.  She's from Chicago.”

            “Hello,” Aunt Debbie greeted her.

            “Hey, how are you?”  Jocelyn said.

            “Jocelyn wants to see my mother,” I told Aunt Debbie.

            “That's fine, but she might be asleep,” she replied.

            Without thinking, I placed my hand at the small of Jocelyn's back and said, “Come on.”  I led the way to the hallway where the other rooms were and like I expected, Jocelyn put distance between us.  I creaked the door open and saw that the lights were off, but I could not discern if Mama's eyes were open or not.

            “Watch your step,” I instructed.  Cords from the hospital equipment were on the floor and I didn't want her to trip.

            Suddenly, I heard a sharp intake of breath and I saw my mother's blue eyes open and twinkle.

            “There's....that beautiful girl,” Ma breathed in her hoarse voice.

            “Trish,” Jocelyn said and I thought she was near tears.  “It's good to see you.”