Jocelyn's River

Jocelyn's River: Chapter 2

        I did not know what would become of me.  As I lay on my bed apprehensively waiting for my parents to come into my bedroom, my heart beat rapidly in my chest and tears fell down my cheeks.  Now, I was afraid to trust this young man who evoked new feelings within my innocent heart.  River told me he was against killing my brother.  To believe a stranger over my father was less than reasonable.  However, River’s eyes were full of remorse and truth, not guilt.  I wanted to believe him.

        On the spur of the moment, the door opened slowly and I knew it was my parents.  I felt the bed lower as my mother sat down.  She began to softly run her hand down my back.  Mama was not one to yell as was my daddy.  She was always so tender when she spoke to me.

        “Jocelyn,” she started.  The stress in her voice was evident and I knew that I did nothing to make it better.  “Why did you go out to the river in the middle of the night, honey?”

            I wiped my face with my hands and stayed silent.  How would they take it?  I was the daughter of a minister and the last thing they would expect me to do was kill myself because my brother died.  The daughter of a pastor is supposed to be stronger than that.

            “I…I was….” I struggled to spit my words out.

            “Yes?” Mama asked for me to continue.

            I sighed and whispered, “I didn’t want to live in this world anymore.”

            “What?”  Daddy yelled loudly.  “I don't understand how a young lady as smart as you would want to do something so senseless!  God never puts you through anything you can't handle.  Jocelyn, I’ve told you that a million times!”

            “I know,” I responded.  “I was just overcome by my feelings.  I let them get the best of me.”  Slowly, I sat up on my bed and faced the door.  “River stopped me from my decision,” I mumbled. 

            “River...is that the young man’s name?”  Mama asked.

            I nodded my head, expressionlessly.  “He let me know that even though racism is alive, there are more Godly people in the world.”  I smiled as I brought back the memory.

            “Hm,” Daddy hummed, seemingly not very interested.  “Did you tell him about your brother?” 

            “I did,” I answered and looked down at my hands on my lap.

            “And did he tell you that he was involved?”  Mama spoke up.

            “No, ma’am,” I responded.  “However, deep down I do believe that he was against it.”

            “Is that so?” Daddy asked.

            “Yes, sir.”

            The room fell silent for a minute and then Daddy spoke up once again.

            “If I didn’t know any better, I’d believe you were infatuated with this young man. Well, I know one thing; I don’t want to see the two of you together ever again.  It’s what’s best for you.  Am I clear?”

            “Yes, sir,” I replied.  I knew that was coming, so I did not try to argue.

            “Good, now get to bed we have a big day tomorrow,” he told me and headed for the door.  He left the room, but Mama remained on my bed.