Jocelyn's River

Jocelyn's River: Chapter 23

 River Jameson's Point of View

        Life had never felt as precious as it did now. I had experienced some bad stuff, but I had survived the worst part of my life yet. I could not thank God enough, even if I had a thousand tongues. While in Vietnam, I was definitely walking through the valley of the shadow of death. The horror grew worse and worse. Part of me wanted the marijuana back, but I resisted. The week before I was to go home was the scariest and it had to be because there was great anticipation. Jocelyn and my baby girl were both waiting for me. Death stared me in the face closer than before countless times during that week. Many had lost limbs and their lives, but I was returning with a small limp and some scars.

        I went back to the United States on a lonely plane where terrifying flashbacks entered my brain. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw dying soldiers in my arms and I heard screams as well as explosions. These scenes were not going to leave me anytime soon. I feared going to sleep because of it. Good things also happened while I was in Vietnam. I befriended some unforgettable young men with flourishing hopes and dreams. Luke was one of these men and I sure as hell missed that kid who was full of vitality. I could not overcome my mortification from seeing his death firsthand. Yes, I had seen many deaths, but Luke's death was the most surreal.

        We were told that we would be welcomed as heroes in the United States. Men and women would thanks us for our dedication and valor. No one told us that protestors were rallying at airports about the war. The hippies were wild in their passion for peace. I made it out of the airport unharmed, but confusion arose. Not a single word of appreciation.

        Chicago was my first destination instead of Alabama since my heart was in Illinois now. I took the bus to Jocelyn's apartment. My plane arrived late that night and Jocelyn did not know the exact day that I was to return. She would be surprised for sure and Alana would most likely be asleep, to my disappointment. I wanted to look into her eyes. Jocelyn wrote and told me that my little girl had piercing blue eyes and she reminded her of me.

        As I slowly walked up the steps to the door of her apartment, I reflected on the night that we first met and we had come so far since then. I felt as if I was walking on a cloud with each step I took. It was like a dream. Finally, I arrived at room 206 and I knocked softly.

        "Coming," she yelled and my heart leaped in my chest.

        I placed both my bags on the floor and waited anxiously. When I heard the clicks of the locks on the door, I stopped breathing. The door was pulled open in slow motion, it seemed. Her face was revealed and that small smile that her lips held disappeared the moment she realized it was me. Her body was clad in a white silk robe and her ebony hair was curly.

        "Hello, Jocelyn," I whispered coolly.

        For thirty seconds, she just stood there in shock. When it all began to occur to her, she gasped, placed a hand over her mouth, and held back a sob. Her eyes filled with tears.

        "Come here," I said with a grin and held my arms out to her. She entered my arms quickly.

        I held her so tight that her feet no longer touched the floor. I buried my nose in her neck. What could be said in this moment? I heard her say, "I missed you so much" in my ear, but that was all. I kissed her on her neck and cheek reassuringly. No words passed through my lips, for I was too content. Words were unspoken but understood. She sobbed and shook slightly as I held her. God knows I had been through hell to get back to the woman of my dreams. Tears steadily streamed down my face as I thought of how blessed I was. We held each other in the doorway forever, or so it felt.

        "Are you hurt?" She asked suddenly and pulled away from me.

        "No, I'm good," I said and flicked a tear from my eye. "Except for my leg."

        Her expression was absolute concern. "What?"

        I smiled and placed my hands on her wet cheeks. "It's all right, Jocelyn. I just got a small limp, and that's it."

        "What happened?"

        I did not want to talk about it, but her look of concern would not go away. I ignored her question and leaned down to press my lips against hers. Her lips had never tasted so damn sweet. We would have kissed for hours, but the cries of a baby girl broke us out of the spell. I smiled when I heard her precious screams which warmed my heart.

        "Would you like to hold her?" Jocelyn asked.

        "Of course," I answered.

        "All right," she smile.

        I grabbed my bag, placed it inside, and shut the door. She took my hand and led me through her apartment to her bedroom in the back. As we walked, she glanced back and looked down at my leg as I limped. She frowned and turned back around. There was a crib beside her bed where Alana Calvary Jameson lay. Jocelyn reached inside the crib and cooed and whispered sweet consoling words to the baby. She lifted her out of the crib and cradled Alana in her arms.

        I could not believe it when I saw my three month old baby girl in my fiancée's arms. All I could do was stand and stare in utter amazement. Jocelyn gave her to me and Alana molded perfectly against me. Her cries died down as soon as I held her. The moment I looked into her clear, ocean blue eyes, I knew why God kept me alive. I felt the attachment and the instant love. We connected so quickly.

        I gently ran my hands through her curly, sandy brown hair. She was like a porcelain doll. Absolutely gorgeous. Her skin was the color of the sand at a beach; however, it was much softer and smoother. She wrapped her tiny, chubby hand around my finger. To my astonishment, Alana gave a smile, showing her gums, and gurgled.

        Jocelyn laughed and said, "She loves you already."

        "And Daddy loves her too," I chuckled as my eyes began to water. It felt so good to be able to say those words.

        I admired Jocelyn, and yet I was hurt over the fact that she had to go through the pregnancy without me. She was a strong woman, even if she believed otherwise. Realization hit me quick as if it hadn't before. We were parents now. I was a father to the most beautiful baby girl in the world. This was an extremely special and important duty. To fail my child, I would fail my life because my family is my life. My alcoholic father barely even raised me and because of this, I felt the fuel of determination boiling inside of me. I swore on this day forward that I would do the best I could to be a good father. I was going to be everything that my own father could not be.

        Alana fell asleep in my arms. Jocelyn stepped closer towards us and caressed the baby's forehead. We looked up at each other in that moment.

        "What do you see?" I asked softly so I would not wake Alana.

        "Love, peace, safety, and my future," she answered.

        Jocelyn and I had so much history together. Our love prevailed through wars and separation. The longer we were apart, the further I fell in love with her. We waited so long to have peace and now it seemed that we finally received it. No more stealing away to the river. Our little girl brought us peace. The bond was complete.

        "I love you," I whispered.

        "And I love you too."