Jocelyn's River

Jocelyn's River: Chapter 21

Jocelyn's Point of View

River was gone and I wanted to shield myself from everyone. I wanted to lock myself up in my apartment and leave nothing but the sound of my sobs. These urges were the actions of a coward. I was not that little girl anymore. He left to make us all proud and he would return. God would bring him back to me. Brian and Debra told me to call them if I needed anything at all. They were enthused that I was to become part of their family. I could not tell if they were either devastated or careless about River's departure. Their expressions were subtle. A mask prevented the fear inside from revealing itself externally. I pushed it deep in my core. Nothing was to be feared. My faith would keep me in line.

The streets of Chicago had never looked worse to me. The R&B that starving musicians played on the street sounded dull. The soul food that I smelled from the restaurants had no effect on me. I did not want to return to my hometown, but there was unfinished business that needed to be taken care of. Stanley deserved to know the truth and so did my parents. I accepted Stanley simply for the reason of my loneliness. Even so, I knew there was some truth in my love for him.

The years following 1961, there was a race war in northern cities. Blacks were fighting with white policeman. These street wars had hundreds of people killed and wounded. We were fortunate enough to be able to live in a middle-class neighborhood. Realtors disallowed blacks to live outside of the ghetto which was Bronzeville where blacks could vote for black politicians and buy products from black stores.

After I got off the plane, I rode the bus back to my apartment. I did not unpack my bags right away. Instead, I threw myself upon my yellow sofa and sighed. So much stress pulled at my chest and my brain. Just as soon as I thought of calling my parents, the phone rang. Tiredly, I lifted myself from the chair and went to answer the phone that was hanging on my kitchen wall.

My mother's charming voice filled my ears. She was happy that I made it home safely and she invited me to bring Stanley over for dinner so that I could tell her all about my visit to Alabama. Stanley was just the person I needed to confess to, but I did not want to see him today. I was extremely tired and overwhelmed. Although, maybe I could break it to him easily with my parents around. She sounded so hopeful that it was impossible not to tell her that I would bring him. I agreed to it and then I attempted to unpack directly after I placed the phone on the hook.

Stanley came to pick me up in his 1968 Chevelle at six o'clock and to my dismay, he already knew about this date that my parents had planned. Something was not right. It was not easy seeing him after all that happened in Waterloo. It made it worse when he tried touching me and kissing me. I modestly avoided it.

He was a tall and slender man of thirty. His skin was medium brown and he had a nice set of pearly white teeth. On this night he wore a blue oxford shirt and navy blue dress pants. His attire was not that different from how he dressed when he lectured.

"Stanley, my man!" My father welcomed him by shaking his hand at the door

and then he turned to me. "O-o-oh, my baby girl." He pulled me in for a hug and kissed me on the cheek. I did not understand why daddy was this ecstatic.

The aroma of food made my mouth water. I missed mama's cooking and it was the only soul food that could fill my soul. We entered the house and the chandelier above brightened the foyer.

"I don't believe the roast isn't ready yet," Mama said. "How about we just sit and wait in the living room." We walked to the left of the foyer where there was an archway that led to the living room. "Jocelyn, you look beautiful."