Here I am, here and now... These superficial "here" and "now" are a burden on my shoulders.
How? Why? Where? Questions and stupid interrogations with no answers, constantly irritate me!
I feel featherlight yet I am drowning in the deepest of seas. I feel surrounded by people but I am lost in the deadliest of lonesomsness. I feel so at ease, that I am fighting to win a hard battle against tiredness .
Oh God! How ?! Why ?! This "How" and that "Why" have sucked out every ounce of energy left in me. Contradictions are ripping my mind into millions of pieces. I can find there, unstoppable battles and wars that won't stop hurting and playing with my innocent little heart, a heart that knows of nothing, and doubts of nothing... A heart with meaningless beats.
Here I am, alone, waiting for nothing. Neutral, bored... A few more minutes 'till I lose my humanity. A few more minutes until I burn out...
Full of contradictions, you might say. I know I am! I finally admit it! Sometimes I think, some others I feel. But I never know wether I should be feeling or thinking. How to think? When to feel? What to say? Meaningless and illogical words replace my thoughts, an eternal silence separate me from reality.
Weak, pretending to be strong. Discouraged, pretending to have hope. Broken, pretending to be courageous. Blind, pretending to see everything. This is how human beings work. They are ironic people.But wait a second, having both a mind and a heart is enough to affirm the contradiction in one's life.
Ironic! Thinking and feeling ? How so? It's like crying and laughing at the same time. Thinking without feeling ? It's so animalistic! ?! But feeling without thinking? Of course not! It's so stupid!... We find ourselves ripped apart between those two. Some, who are weak enough, choose their feelings. Some others, neutral enough, choose their minds and shut off their hearts. But in reality, those who do so, do not choose. They only follow the "nothing" unconsciously. To equilibrate means to live. Think when you should and feel what you should.
This is what life is all about, contradictions. Good and bad, thoughts and feelings, love and hate, body and soal, heart and mind,... but it's using them in the right time that makes us human.
My classmate wrote this in french and I thought I'd translate it for you all because it's just beautiful...
Elxx
