I only care about few things on this Earth, and even fewer people.
I think I'm somehow dead inside... I don't show affection to many things, and I rarely find things to be relevant.
I'm cold hearted too... I can't show kindness towards people, it's not that I don't want to, I just can't! I usually hate people and scarcely do I trust them.
Some people talk about how they see a whole new life in the eyes of the people in front of them. However, I would feel sorry for the person facing me for he or she would see nothing but blankness and boredom in my brown ones.
My only friend says that my eyes do lit up, when it comes to very few subjects, such as books -or their authors-, the only group I belong to and a few people whom, as she says, I care about. It works sometimes, but besides my two baby cousins and my two sisters, I only care about 3 people at all. That makes a total of 7 among the whole world...
Is it bad? I think it not to be as bad as it sounds. I mean, people who do not care about anything once were the ones who cared so much, weren't they?
I would blame society for this but I can do no such thing for we, ourselves are a big part of society. And if everyone blames the others, who would the blame really go to? I think I should blame my own self for listening to the crude remarks and critics and taking them as rocks being shot at me. What I didn't know was that I could use those rocks to build a beautiful castle. When I finally learnt how to use them, I had already built a gigantic wall that u couldn't bring myself to tear down...
And this gigantic wall isolated me from the world, giving me some time to think about everything and to myself... The precious time I had with the inner me led me to rethink my past and plan my future, hut my expectations were always so high I learnt that I have to not care and go where the road takes me. And I succeeded at that...
It's not like it doesn't hurt anymore but I'm not used to the pain that stings in the depth of my heart and I've become numb. Nothing and no one can affect me anymore unlesss it is major. People who get to see that spark in my eyes are the luckiest for I myself miss it terribly.
But oh how many times do we miss things we daren't reach out to?
Elxx
