TIFITY

Always

It had just been eight days since I last had known about Evangeline. It was the first time we didn't talk in so many days since we met on the train back in winter. I tried to contact her from my bed in every way possible; I called her, I sent many texts telling her how worried I was and begging her to reply. I even sent her an email and texted her via twitter too, but I received no answer at all. I was so worried about her that I called both her mum and her dad, but they didn't pick up the phone either, and that was the moment I lost it. I'm so patient, but I was extremely concerned about my friend's wellbeing to the point I did nothing else than eat, sleep and wait for her to reply or call me back sometime. But she didn't, and it may sound so selfish, but that broke me a little bit. I later would find out that it wasn't her fault at all.

Seeing that she wouldn't answer any of my texts or calls, I decided to take the train to Liverpool. My body still hurt so much to move, but I made the effort to put on my clothes being careful to cover every wound and bruise. Walking was torture too, but I felt the need to go check how my family friend was. I felt the need to see she was alright, even though I was aware I could find anything. Leaving my blaming thoughts about myself aside, I got on the train that came at four o'clock in the afternoon. It would normally take around one hour for it to go from Manchester to Liverpool, but I'm so unlucky that it took the train forty more minutes to get there for some reason. Once I finally got off the train it took the bus to go to the street where Evangeline lived, because of my body aching even more by then. 

By the time I realized, I found myself in front of her apartment's door. I started to doubt myself and considered going back home, but I hadn't gone there to leave just like that. I knocked on the door five times but nobody came. Nevertheless, I could hear steps inside, so I went: "It's Alexis. I know there's somebody there. I'm begging whoever you are to open the door please; I'm just so worried about Evangeline". After these words came out of my mouth, I waited for over ten minutes for someone to open the door, but they didn't. I was about to leave when somebody said: "Alexis, is that you?" while opening the door. It was Ev's mother's voice. "I don't want to be a burden, but I came here because I've been trying to contact your daughter and I got no answer back", I said. "I'm so sorry, Evangeline hasn't been feeling so well these past few days" she explained. Just as I expected, something was off, which made me worry even more, but I tried not to lose my composure. "Do you want me to ask her if she wants to see you?" she asked me, to which I, of course, answered: "please, if it's not too much to ask for". Then she left down the corridor, towards Evangeline's room I guess. My heart was already beating so fast, but my pulse accelerated even more. I was hoping my friend to say yes to her mother's question, but my mind wouldn't stop telling me she wouldn't. It told me that she hated me and that that was why she didn't answer. I still hate how my mind can control me to such a point, honestly. I was even more sensitive back then and I was about to break down when I witnessed Evangeline at the end of the corridor.

I can't get to explain how I felt when I saw her. She looked different, and not in the best way if I have to be honest. As she walked towards me, I couldn't believe what I was seeing; Evangeline had become even more of a walking skeleton. "Hello, Al... Please forgive me for being so gone lately". Although we were about six metres far, I could notice her eyes were very teary. I was already crying, but it wasn't a moment for me to be weak. I had to support my friend and let her take her time to explain herself. But before she could say anything else I just hugged her as tight as I could, as if it was the last time I would be able to do so.

Evangeline told me that she wasn't okay. "I've been so bad since August last year, but it has got much worse this past month, especially last week" she continued. I could tell she was afraid of being judged which is why I left clear that I wouldn't criticise her no matter what. "I'm all ears for you Ev, you can trust me", I said. After that, Evangeline looked at her mum as if she was looking for her approval to tell me what was going on. Her mum nodded and left us alone so it was easier for her daughter to open up to me. "Thank you", my friend mouthed while her mum walked away from the bedroom. 

What Evangeline told me left me absolutely speechless. "As you probably have noticed, my relationship with food hasn't been the best for these last months", she explained. It was true that I realized that when she left the cafeteria after I offered her that caramel macchiato with oreo topping. What I couldn't have imagined was that my friend was suffering from anorexia nervosa and that she was starving herself to death. I'm not saying she was doing it consciously, she just was sick and needed help to change the situation she was in. She told me she was afraid to eat, which I couldn't understand, but I swear I tried my best to. Moreover, she explained that she was afraid of gaining weight but that she didn't see fat people as if they were ugly or worthless. That was just when it came to herself for some odd reason. "I know I'm telling you this all of a sudden, and I'm sorry for putting so much weight on your shoulders", she apologized. "You needn't apologise. I'm here for you Ev, always. We'll work this out together". She broke into tears and I did the only thing I could have done: I cried with her. I looked into her eyes and said: "remember everything goes". "You don't understand Alexis. If I could just explain..." she said. 

I expected so many things to happen, but there's no way I could have seen coming the next thing she was about to tell me. "They're going to take me to the psychiatric 19th this month".