TIFITY

Part of the rainbow in my life

I barely could see anything when I opened my eyes. It was Sunday at six o'clock in the afternoon, I'm guessing. I was lying in my bed all covered with blankets and I couldn't understand why at first. I heard a voice from far away that said: "hi darling, I see that you're up". It was my mum, and she for some reason seemed relieved I was alive and breathing. My body hurt so much more than words could convey and I barely could move. I was so confused until I uncovered myself. I saw the expected: new bruises and wounds I'd have to hide as I always had done until then. What was a surprise for me, was that my dear father and caring brother (notice my sarcasm) beat me up so hard that I had been unconscious for around a day and a half. That was a whole different level.

I couldn't recall much after opening the door with my keys and getting in, but my mum explained to me what happened. Right after I got home that Saturday dawn, both my dad and brother were more drunk than usual. My father had so much anger he needed to let out and I happened to be there at the most specific but worst moment. My mum said my father started "flirting" with me the second I got in the house. He thought I was some random girl, but when he realized it was just me, he got so mad. My mother and I couldn't understand why, but maybe he was too drunk and got mad with no reason. The thing is that he made me pay for it considerably hard. Moreover, my mother told me she tried to stop her husband and son from hurting me to such a point, but they, of course, ignored her. She was so terrified by the scene that she hid in the bathroom until she heard no more screams. Once they were over, she came out to see her unconscious daughter bleeding on the floor. "I know I'm such a coward for not facing them and letting this happen to you" she explained, but she wasn't the one to blame in my eyes. My father and brother went to sleep, which allowed my mother to take me on her back and lie me down in my bed. She disinfected my wounds while I was doing nothing else than breathing, and once she was done she just looked after me non-stop until I finally woke up.

I knew my dad wasn't able to control himself after a couple of shots, but I never thought he would ever leave me unconscious. I mean, he was my father and I knew he should not treat me like he did, but I was incapable of saying anything or standing up for myself. The same happened with Jake, we would get so well when we were little, but then everything changed to worse. Once my father started hitting my mum, he took advantage of the situation and started to let off his anger with me. What I couldn't understand at the time, was the reason why my mom decided to shut up about it instead of doing something. I later understood that she was afraid of being beaten again, just as I was. 

I couldn't stop asking myself how my mum had fallen in love with such ogre, but you don't choose who you fall in love with, right? My mum was the most caring and sweetest person I'd ever known, while my dad was someone to be afraid of. It hadn't always been like that, I guess. There was a time where he was a great dad and would show his affection, as my mum told me, but then he became such a monster all of a sudden and would treat us as if we were worthless.  The truth is that I don't remember the time my dad was sweet or so, probably because his behaviour changed when I was so young. But I do remember that he didn't tell me he loved me even once, and for some odd reason, I had always been waiting for those words to come out of his mouth.

No matter how sweet my father was, or how much my mother loved him. He had no right to treat us the way he did, nor did Jake. Beating me so hard that Saturday dawn was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was exhausted of the situation I was in, with all these monsters haunting me every time they could and my so-called father and brother beating me as if I was nothing else than a punching bag.  I was so tired of the thoughts I was having and of being afraid to step into our house. I had too many things to handle and I didn't have the strength nor the energy to keep going. I wished I had some secret place I could escape to, or at least someone I could talk to. 

I remembered Evangeline. She was the best supporter and a professional listener whenever I needed her. I thought of talking with her about what had been happening both with my family and my mind, but it took me seconds to discard the idea. She surely had her concerns and I didn't want to be annoying, nor bother her with my problems. She was such a great friend and the last thing I wanted was to be toxic for her. She was part of the rainbow in my life and I couldn't lose that colourful reflect disappear from my life due to my stupid problems. Consequently, I decided not to tell her anything about the constant beating and the monsters again. 

However, I missed her insanely much, so after talking with my mum silently for a bit I decided to text her. My mum insisted that I should have something to eat first, and so I did. The second after I was done, I took my phone and texted her. "Hey Ev, I'm so sorry I've been gone since we last saw each other. I hope you are alright, I love you so much" I typed. I waited for hours for her to answer, but she unexpectedly didn't. My mind wouldn't stop telling me it was my fault that she wasn't okay and that I probably had hurt her to such a point where she wouldn't want to see me again. My mind took over me once again, but I never intended to hurt her in any way, I must say. Moreover, if I had known what she was going through I would have tried to help her out instead of not doing anything and letting occur what was about to happen.