Grey Eyes (A Harry Potter Fanfiction)

28. Postponed

The moment I step out into the swirling snow, I realize… why the bloody hell am I so stupid?!

I clutch my head and groan so loudly that I actually attract some startled glances.

What was the point of getting into a row with Sirius, huh? Why couldn’t I just spit it out that I don’t have feelings for Remus and let us get on with our date? No, I know why. Remus is my best mate, the twin brother I never had. He doesn’t deserve half a thought and a wave goodbye. He deserves me genuinely considering his words before I tell him how I feel. It’s not that I was hesitating because I might actually have feelings for Remus, it was that it just wasn’t my place to say at the moment. After a few minutes of actual thinking, would anyone know how they actually feel?

But why have things gotten so confusing…?

This whole row with Sirius… he was definitely acting like a jealous boyfriend. Don’t be an idiot, Cecilia. He likes you. And I like him… right? That would make sense. But… why does this engagement feel so stifling? Would these feelings ever have emerged if we weren’t forced together in the first place? Would we even be on this date otherwise? Do we really have feelings for each other or are we just conforming to the happy couple roles that we need to be? I’m not sure anymore. I don’t know if I ever knew. The lines are so blurred that I can’t even tell anymore what’s real or conceived.

I slump against the wall of the Three Broomsticks and sigh. “Just thinking about this makes my head hurt,” I mumble to myself as I stare at the cloud-covered skies.

What do I do now… I know I told Sirius I’d go off and find Remus out of spite, but to be honest I don’t want to see either of them right now.

“Right then. I guess I’ll just go back up to the castle. Happy Valentine’s Day to meeee…” I say in a monotone sing-song voice as I push myself off the wall of the pub. But before I can begin trudging back through the snow, my eyes catch a familiar figure pass in and out of my range of sight behind Zonko’s Joke Shop. Wait, isn’t that Remus?

I’m about to make my way towards him but I stop myself mid-step.

What am I doing, I don’t even want to see him. But, hmm, what’s he doing in Hogsmeade on Valentine’s Day all by himself? So he didn’t end up getting a date after all? Then why’s he even here? You’d think a dateless bloke would want to avoid the couple-filled Hogsmeade Village at all costs on a holiday like this.

I squeeze my eyes shut and root myself into the ground. Curiosity killed the cat, curiosity killed the cat, curiosity killed the ca—“Screw it, I’m too curious,” I mutter under my breath before jogging over towards Zonko’s.

I peek my head out around the corner of the building just time to see him walk into the Hogsmeade Post Office and run in after him stealthily. As I watch him from behind a marble column (borderline creepy, I know, but you’d be surprised at the lengths I’d go to avoid social interactions sometimes), I see him place a large package onto the counter for the postal worker to process.

That’s it? My shoulders slump in the anticlimax. Well, that was boring. Then again what on earth did I expect from someone walking into a post office?

I shove my hands into my coat pockets and begin to make my way towards the door when…

“Remus! Remus Lupin!”

I see him spin around at the sound of his name and immediately panic. After nearly blurting out a loud “crap!” and blowing my cover, I dive back behind the marble column just before Remus spots me.

“Are you alone?” I hear the girl ask Remus tentatively.

I squint at the reflection in the tinted glass window in front of me, but can’t exactly ascertain who the girl is in the blurry image. Don’t recognize the voice either. Maybe she’s not in our house?