FWB Friends With Baseball

Adult Conversations.

Jailyn~

"Shh, Jai," Christian says, holding me tightly, his hand rubbing my back as I'm still stuck in my head, "Breathe with me, okay? Everything is going to be okay, I promise." I should've just made him use a fucking condom. Why am I so stupid? I had a less than .001 percent chance then. What the fuck would my chances be now? "JJ, just breathe, okay? You're okay." 

When I finally get some thought other than my world is collapsing in on me, I realize that I'd been physically shaking in his arms. This is all so shitty, and I should've been thinking more than just getting laid. Taking a couple of deep breaths, I manage to calm down to a point where I'm not in the middle of a full-blown panic attack. "I'm sorry," I tell him, shaking my head a little trying to shake all of this off, "I'm so sorry." 

"Hey," He tells me quietly, "It's okay. You went through something major, and neither of us were thinking about it. I'm sorry that it didn't cross my mind until after the fact. It's okay." He reassures me while still rubbing my back gently, "We can go get one of those morning-after pills or have someone else go grab them for us. I've got condoms too. I just wasn't thinking about it. I'm sorry." 

Shaking my head, I reply, "I should've said something." 

"Hey," Christian says softly, "It takes both of us to do that. It's not on you, and it's not on me. We both forgot. It's okay, and there are solutions." When I nod, it comes with a follow-up question, "How often have you been having panic attacks, JJ?" 

Shaking my head, I shrug as I look at him. He's very obviously concerned. "This is the first one since before my season started. It's maybe even been the first one since my therapist prescribed whatever I'm on now." 

"Are you still planning on seeing her again?" he asks. "Obviously, in-season it's hard to, but do you have any plans, now?" 

Shaking my head, I wipe under my eyes. God, he probably thinks I'm insane for freaking out after the first time we have sex again. "None officially, but that was the idea, yeah. I can't seem to stop crying right now, though," I comment, wiping under my eyes again with a small chuckle. "I'm sorry," I tell him again, "Honestly, I think this has more to do with the jetlag. And the fact I've been almost on a bender for the last two weeks, and it's catching up to me." 

"That'll happen," he tells me, a small smile on his face. 

"You're probably regretting this now," I joke, pointing at my ring, "Seeing as I completely lost my shit the first time we've had sex again." Wiping the tears from my face again, I add, "It's a lot of crazy sometimes." 

Christian rolls his eyes, chuckling as he shakes his head, "I'm here for all of it. You mean too much to me to run when shit gets bad. You've also been through a lot more than most people ever should. I'm never going to fault you for having a couple moments. I've known where your head's at, and I should've been more careful about everything. It's easy to forget sometimes."

"Yeah," I tell him, remembering the last nine months, "I'm sorry I didn't react better when everything happened. I just got so stuck in my head about what you'd think, and then what my ex's would've thought, and we'd never even talked about kids. I had no clue what to do." 

"It's okay," Christian assures me, "Should we talk about that stuff? You do have a shiny new accessory with a lot of connotations behind it." 

Laughing a little, I glance at the ring on my left hand, "Yeah, we probably should. After all, forever is a pretty long time to spend with someone. You should at least be on the same page for everything." 

"Right," Christian agrees, chuckling, "Where is your head in terms of having kids? Obviously, right now isn't the time for either of us, but in the future?"