Aizelle's POV
The brakes of the car squeaked as we stopped. It has already given me a warning of an upcoming danger. I inhaled sharply when I realized we reached the mansion. I was nearly crying, shattered and my focus being clobbered by my fear.
I was rooted to the spot, couldn't move in the front seat. He scrambled out of the car, went straight to the other side so he can open my door. Hinila niya ako palabas ng sasakyan. It was harsh enough to scare the hell out of me. "Drei, please! Let me go!" I cried.
Nagmamadali ang mga maids na umiiwas sa amin. Takot din sila makialam. Kinaladkad niya ako sa hagdan at laking pasasalamat ko na hindi ako nadapa sa ginawa niya.
Patulak niyang binitawan ang aking palapulsuhan at pilit niya ako'ng pinasok sa kwarto. I looked at him while rubbing my wrist. It was almost numb because of the pressure.
He shot me a furious glance.
"How embarrassing, Aizelle. How embarrassing!" He shouted. Nagulat ako nang itumba niya ang coffee table sa harapan ko. I tried opening my mouth to talk but I decided not to. It would just make things worse. I hugged myself at hindi ko napigilan ang mapaiyak sa sinabi niya.
Nakakahiya ako. Nakakahiya.
Paulit-ulit iyon sa isip ko habang nagmumura siya. Nakakahiya ako. Hindi ko inaakala na ganitong kasakit, na ganito ang mararamdaman ko kapag sa kanya nanggaling.
"What are you now, a prostitute? This is the dream that you have been talking about huh. Do you have any idea how much I blamed myself because I thought I pulled you down? For ten fucking years Aizelle, I was blaming myself! I thought it was my fault and I ruined you." He was talking too fast. "Fuck no! I never ruined you. You ruined yourself! I should've not blamed myself. I should've not felt guilty!" I caught my own breath, inhaling sharply. Pain sheeted through me with terrible intensity, this is just worse than any physical pain. "You never deserve any of my help." He added, sounding tired and impatient. His tone gradually lowering until I could hear the harrowing silence. Bawat salita niya ay parang kutsilyo na humihiwa sa aking balat. Gusto ko'ng magsalita. Napatingin ako sa kanya. Pulang-pula ang kanyang mukha sa galit.
Natigilan siya. He wasn't waiting for me to speak. He shook his head in disappointment, staring sightlessly through the darkness of the window. His tired steely-eyes became fixed with cold anger.
"Pagod na pagod na ako." I blurted, almost whispering. He looked at me with a strangled expression. Lalo kong niyakap ang sarili ko. My body started trembling and my shoulders are shaking, I couldn't help it. "Sasaktan mo ba ako? Sasampalin mo ba ako?" I asked. Lumapit ako at kinuha ang kamay niya, dinala ko ito sa aking pisngi."Wala na ako maramdaman, Drei, Wala na." I struggled saying.
"Alam mo bang gustong-gusto ko'ng bumalik noon, gusto ko'ng humingi ng tawad pero tuwing titignan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin, hindi ko na makilala ang sarili ko. Hindi ko na makilala ang sarili ko at ayaw na kitang madamay" I pointed his chest. My throat is full of lumps and I'm trying my best not to cry."Hindi ko naman ginustong maging ganito ang takbo ng buhay ko." I sobbed. And then to my horror, with no warning, tears started falling like waterfalls. My fingers are jerky and agitated. It was hard to control. My head is a mess. My breaths are short and frantic. I wasn't intending to hold this conversation, but at last I couldn't stand it anymore. I have to say all of this. All of this emotions, all of this pain I kept for years.
I composed myself so I could say more. I feel like this is my only chance to do this. There was a strange and still quietness in the room. His emotion is still fixed but his breaths are obviously short and struggling too. He didn't interrupt me as though I said something that knocked him off. "Alam mo bang ikaw ang pinakamagandang nangyari sa buhay ko?" Napahagulgol ako. "Tuwing naaalala kita, lahat ng ginawa mo para sa akin, my conscience is just killing me. Pinapatay ako ng pagsisi na nararamdaman ko dahil pinakawalan kita. Hindi na ako makabalik sa'yo kasi nakakadiri ako. Diring diri na ako sa sarili ko." His dark face altered, taken aback and staring at me in disbelief. "Drei, hindi ko ginusto na ganito. Patawarin mo naman na ako. Pagod na pagod na akong mahirapan. Ano pa ba ang kailangan mo sa akin? Ano pa ba?" I asked desperately.
