The Grasshopper

Chapter 105

“You have to get through that moment, Pascal. This moment is the price that you have to pay for that night. You just squeeze her hand… Who says that you have to look her in the eyes? Look past her. And you just turn around and run to the elevator.

“Noah will probably come tomorrow. He hasn’t been in a while. Tomorrow! Surely tomorrow! Only that one moment and the end. You go to one of your cities… I won’t go to one of our cities. I won’t. I’ll ask Seneca to explain to me the war situation. Then I’ll go to one of Erivan’s cities. Perhaps even to Capital City? No, not to Capital City. It is entirely controlled by him. I will go to one of the cities where our people are surrounded, where they are losing the battle. Yes, that’s it. Somewhere where I will certainly be killed, already on the first day. I will take a weapon and immediately rush the inspectors. Let them mow me down in an instant. And what if Noah appears now? If I hear the elevator now, in the middle of the night?

“And she’s asleep. How will I say goodbye? How will I see her at least one more time? I cannot… I cannot leave. Let her drive me out! That’s it! I won’t decide anything. I won’t think about anything any more. I don’t have the strength to think. I can only look at her. Only love her.” 

“Sir, why are you not sleeping?” asked Manami, entering fully dressed into the living room in the middle of the night.

“I can’t, ma’am,” Pascal kept his eyes pinned to her.

“I feel like tea. I thought of making some, but now I won’t. I don’t want to bother you.”

“You are not bothering me, ma’am. You never…” whispered Pascal.

“Alright, if you say so,” Manami passed next to Pascal and went into the kitchen. She poured water into the kettle. “I’ll make some green tea. It is my husband’s favorite. Actually my husband is exceptionally fond of green tea…”

“My husband! My husband! My husband!!!” Pascal exploded. “As though no one here understands that! It is as though someone here doubts that! That he is your husband, ma’am! The Missis has a husband! Nothing is more important than that! That is the only thing that should be discussed! That is the only thing that should be constantly repeated! My husband! My husband!!!”

“How dare you!?” Manami shouted.

Pascal didn’t pay attention to that; he didn’t listen to her nor did he control himself. He continued to shout.

“Does that husband of yours have a name, perhaps?! As far as I hear, you call him Julius! And when you talk to the children you call him dad. Only when you speak to me, then he is ‘my husband’!”

“What insolence!” Manami shouted, trying to outdo him.

“What do you tell him? ‘Do you want some lunch, my husband? Here you go some green tea, my husband!’ Is that how you speak to him?!”

“You should be ashamed of yourself, sir! What gives you the right!? You are the last man in world who has the right to say something like that to me!”

“The last?! I know that I’m the last one for you, ma’am! You don’t need to explain that to me! What do you tell him?! ‘Come to our room, to our bed, my husband!’ Is that how you call him?!”

“Shame on you! Shame on you!” screamed Manami, as an uncontrolled rage came over her.

Pascal suddenly fell silent. He awoke from a trans. Only then, when he had gotten it all out of him, did he realize what he had told her.

“Forgive me, ma’am… forgive me, please…” he passed by her, on his way to his room. “As soon as your husband comes, I will leave… Forgive me, please… You will never see me again… forgive me…” He was already near the door.