The Grasshopper

Chapter 30

Pascal was waking up. But he didn’t open his eyes nor did he move any part of his body.

“I won’t move. Let them think I’m not awake. Maybe they’ll talk. Maybe I’ll hear them.” But he didn’t hear anything: no one’s breathing, movement, clothes rustling… nothing.

He recalled Mayor Seneca at the end of the hallway. “He was just standing there, waiting for me to approach him. And I was just thinking about… not revealing myself… for him not to notice, not to suspect anything. And I didn’t pay attention at all… It can’t be! That wasn’t Raul. No, Raul would not join up with Seneca against me. Not only with Seneca, with anyone. Except… to save me from… myself. Raul knows me. He saw… it was clear to him that I actually wanted to die. That I was practically committing suicide. And he didn’t allow it. He saved my life.”

“I really can’t hear anything. Silence. Absolute silence. How long have I been unconscious?” Pascal wondered. “I can’t hear the rotors of a helicopter, airplane engines… I don’t feel any vibrations… shaking. I’m not in a car, in some trunk. Or maybe I am? Just that the vehicle is standing still, that it isn’t moving. Am I still in Megapolis? Or did Raul take me with them? And we might already be there… in one of our cities. Or are we waiting for the airplane to take of? But… this silence… is so absolute. If the vehicle is stationary… it isn’t an airport or a parking lot… no one is passing by… there’s no sound of the wind… no sound at all. No smell. Smell?”

Only then did he realize that he smelled something. Stale, right next to his nostrils. “There is some kind of cover beneath my cheek. I can feel it on my skin. It’s soft… I’m lying on a bed. On my right side. It isn’t the cold floor of some cell. And it’s completely dark. If there was any light I’d see it through my eyelids. I’m sure I would. But the darkness is absolute… Is this a grave?”

Pascal abruptly opened his eyes. And it was as though he hadn’t. The darkness truly was absolute. He pushed himself up on his elbow. He felt a pain in his arm and thought of Raul again.

“Raul, who gives you the right to decide about my life? Who are you to save me from myself? Not even you, Raul, after all these years… the struggle, everything… you don’t understand. Freedom is above everything else. Not only freedom from Kaella. The freedom to live as you want and die as you want. You don’t understand… Don’t get me wrong, I’m not angry at you. Nor at Seneca, or anyone. You can’t learn these thing, that is something you have to be. I would never prevent you from dying, my friend. For any reason. Regardless of whether I knew the reason or not. Regardless of whether I understood your reason or not. I would never in any way limit your freedom. To decide about you instead of you. I’ll explain it to you. You’ll set me free. When you come… to bring me food and water.”