Set Sail

10

ROBIN was quiet on the walk home but that didn't mean that he had put April out of his mind. He fretted about her but he didn't want to pry into her business. The worry was gnawing at him as he helped her with dinner preparations. He rummaged around in her fridge for ice to chill the wine they had bought.

Finally, dinner was ready. He laid out the plate as she dished the food and put on soothing music before he sat down. He placed the remote control in the middle of the table.

"Shall we say grace?" he asked.

"Please do".

She closed her eyes as he blessed the food. They ate in silence against the musical backdrop.

"I had an abortion a long time ago", she said dropping her fork and squeezing the tissue vehemently.

"We were in school then. It was carefully planned and the only help I got was financial in form my pocket money. I went to a clinic downtown alone. 

I was scared that my headmistress would find out just by simply talking to me and so I avoided her like a plague. 

I had no friends.

I was sick for days afterwards but I begged not to be sent home. It would have been..." she swallowed tersely.

Robin had stopped eating and was gripping his fork so tightly; it was a wonder that he didn't crack a bone. He waited and waited some more for her to continue. He could not interrupt.

"It would have been worse, no mercy and so I bore my fate. That was the day I died. Seventeen years, two months, six days today. He would have been seventeen years old now, through with high school by now". The tears were rolling freely down her cheeks.

"So call me messed up. I am. Call me stupid. I am. I broke up with Victor because I couldn't bear to draw him into the quagmire my life is. He deserves better, someone without this kind of baggage. I can't help going back into the past. Maybe I won't be able to move past that little girl that died that day".

"You were only fourteen"; Robin whispered. He felt murderous rage at whoever had taken advantage of her. It was hard to picture. These were stories meant for horror novels. He was surprised that she was stable.

"Yes, a fourteen-year-old woman. I knew more than my age mates. I can never forget it. I do not deserve to live after killing that poor child", she paused to blow her nose noisily. "I hate myself. I do not deserve to be happy. I would have been deceiving Victor and I deserve it if he hates me".

"What did the father of the baby do to support you? Was he aware that you were pregnant?" Robin croaked.

"Nothing. I was on my own. I was fortunate that the school did not find out. I would have been expelled. The school nurse had her suspicions but thankfully she didn't say anything to anyone. He was aware but that did not guarantee anything", she stood up and started clearing the table.

Robin stood up and went round to her side of the table and just hugged her while they both cried. They rocked back and forth.

"Do you have feelings for the baby's father?" he finally asked.

"That would have been sicker than anything he did. The father of my baby is my Father, Robin", she whispered and covered her mouth with her left hand.

He could only rock her harder until his stomach rejected his dinner all over the polished floor.