Particles Of Youth

five

    I used to have a lot of nightmares when I was young , and every time I had one , I would've ran to my mother's room racing the imaginary monsters in my room , and she'll always open up her arms , she was warm always too warm, and she told me stories about good and bad , evil and heroes And i ended up always falling asleep soundly next to her
  

        I opened my eyes drenched in sweat in my bed , my clock read 00:00 , I sighted another nightmare , my hands are shaking ,my nerves are dancing on my finger tips , I ran a hand through my hair in an attempt to calm down , one would think I would've gotten used to it , but I didn't , faint light was getting into my room , like shapes of random stars in my carpet I wanted to see her , I wanna see the stars on her face and that smile with unaligned teeth , I exhaled , and went to take a shower .

     Walking at night is relaxing for me , smoke follows my trails , my cigarette's flame is the only light that I could see right now , my phone buzzes in my pocket so I took a seat in one of the plastic tables outside a grocery shop "hello" I said , "hi , Aris right , its Julia " she said , I smiled " I know " I said , "wait you had my number and didn't call me ever owh I'm offended" she said in a  playful voice  " can I come to you ?" I said " uh , yeah we can meet at the shop I couldn't sleep anyways " she said , "okey " I replied and started my way to the subways , the moon was whole today , made all the buildings bath in silver , I decided that silver is my favorite color .

       Here am I again standing next to the shop with the smell of future dreams , I could see her faintly she was playing the cello , I inhaled deeply and leaned next to the shop's door , I closed my eyes and listened , her cello sounded happy , and at peace that sound got into the cage I was in and little by little it started to crack around me and when I opened my eyes she was right there looking at me with those chocolate like haze "hi" she said "hey " I responded starring at her " well aren't you coming in ?" She said I nodded and followed her , I can't control how I feel around her , I don't know what to think either , like every single word sounds incredibly stupid , and every single move is silly , so I said nothing , and did nothing but sat there , with her next to me she was staring at the sealing so I stared too waiting for her to tell me what's wrong , her fingers did little circles on the wooden chair and I watched her , how her eyes were clouded , and her lips are slightly parted , she looked like she was having a debate in her mind while I had a war in mine , but we together found some peace and little by little our hands intertwined , she leaned her head on my shoulders " I'm scared " she said, and even though I did want to know what is scaring her I knew at that moment it's better just to be there for her so I held on closer to her hands " but you're brave " I said , she smiled I felt tears falling from her eyes to my shoulder and I let her cry until she was asleep and long after she was asleep I was still there holding her , watching her made me want to be a hero , her hero , "I'm gonna compete Julia , I'm gonna give life another shot " I said to her sleeping form "I'll make you proud " I whispered to the air hopping she would hear me , I hopped she's one of those stars I can see outside the window , running around in a silver dress of dreams and dust , I sighted and slowly I drifted to a soundless slumber I hadn't had in a while .

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Author's note

" even if you're struggling , its going to be fine as long as you fight back"

                            To koala dude .