Particles Of Youth

one

The sky was baby blue with clouds racing each other ,the breeze felt cool on my face and I had no idea to where I'm going , I never knew much lately , I passed the beach ,than went to a coffee shop that never closes at night , the  homely mood it got made me come back often and this time is no difference , there wasn't anybody at the shop in this ungodly hour , so i smiled truly really genuinely smiled for the mere silence I appreciated that deeply , my fingers unconsciously played on symphony unknown to me , and I had the urge to play the piano again, times like these made me wanna smoke  and than smoke some more , I let my hands down and quietly took a seat at the back , the sea wasn't visible for it is night time but I still can faintly see the light reflections from lonely light bulb near the shop , I looked on and had that feeling again , something great is gonna happen.

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I was never found of expressing my feelings in words , I always do it by sound .. The piano wasn't just a mere instrument to me , it was more like a life line and I think I lost that , that night at the school music room I would never forget , sheets of music were laying on the floor , while I broke down , I let the piece of wood I was holding slide dawn from my hands and all I could hear is those goddamn words " I'm sorry , we did everything we could but her condition was already critical , she died 5 minutes ago " , and they kept repeating and repeating and repeating until I couldn't take it , she promised she'll stay ,she swore to me she's fine ....why?, why?why?
    My break downs are taking a regular appointment in my life lately , I sometimes scratch at my chest hoping that would make the hurt in my heart stops , it hurts ,so god damn much I barely hold on to life sometimes , I'm a college student now that made my mom happy , they said my IQ is very high so I could choose any university , my uncle at that time was living in Tokyo and he offered for me to stay with him and resume my studies there , and I accepted I needed to get away , the flight from new York to Tokyo took 13 hours , and I desperately needed a smoke , I tried sleeping but that didn't work out , so I took off that book she liked so much and started reading it again , my first time I read this book I was with her , she came rushing to the school music room and opened the door with such  urgency saying "Aris look I found my favorite book ever , its such a relief now I can rest in peace " , I didn't know back than that she literally meant what she said , I bet she didn't know either but life works in a funny way , after I got off the plain in Tokyo I headed straight to the bathroom where I closed the door and washed my face several times drops of water hung into my hair and arms and I watched as they fell so easily , I believe that water is a living thing and that brought me some comfort , I waited that day before taking a taxi to my uncle's house he texted me the address and apologized that he couldn't make it , I didn't care , I sat there in the airport looking at people going and coming , hating how life is moving forward without me , my first night in Tokyo felt different and I like that , I got used to walking around after I finish my classes , I like getting lost too and in one of my ventures I found that place , it wasn't glamorous or even close to the term modern no , it was vintage with wood walls and a scent of future dreams , that day I stayed out looking at the shop with instruments of all kinds but most importantly it had a piano that looked incredibly sad and lonely , I wanted to play it , I needed to play it my finger twitched in participation and so I took a step forward which I believe changed my entire story forever.

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Author's note
          Hi.