Roots Before Branches

Chapter 9: Roots Before Branches

I decided to walk, no car, anything. I don't even know what the hell I'm actually. I'm walking with my head down and the tears falling from my eyes. I can't stop crying, it's impossible.

Before I could relize I found myself on the Lima Bridge. Oh how much I wanted to jump, no one would actually care, right? I can't even have peace in my sleep.

But Finn was right, if I died, I bet someone would actually come to the funeral. I wouldn't blame them tho. I suck, like Finn said, I'm an awful human being. Why I just don't jump from this fucking bridge? No one would miss me. Maybe my fans would...But after a time they would forget about me. Because I suck.

I sit on the edge of the bridge, any moment I can fall. I don't care anymore, why would I? I feel like I'm drowning all the time. I grabbed my phone and dialed my therapist number. After a few rings she pick up.

"Hello?" She said with a tired voice said. It's 2am here in Lima, that means it's 5am in Los Angeles. I probably woke her up.

"I can't do this anymore." I said and break down crying. "I can't! My life is a failure I'm a failure! My life is a waste of oxygen!"

"Rachel, Rachel, stop! Okay, just breathe in and out." She said and I started to breathe in and out. I can't do this anymore.

"I'm breathing, I'm breathing, but I don't feel myself getting any better. I feel like drowning all the time. Why I shouldn't jump from this bridge?" I asked and I stand up and walk on the edge of the bridge. One slip and Rachel Berry is just history. "You're the only person I can talk to and you probably also hate me because I woke you up!"

"Rachel, listen to me. I don't hate you. No one does. You have a beautiful life, you have millions of fans that dedicate their time to update blogs, accounts, listen to your songs, just so they can feel closer to you. They love you. Do you know how many people you already saved having no idea? How many people already sent emails to Rosa saying they were thinking about suicide but they started to listen your songs. Think about them, Rachel." She said and I couldn't stop crying.

"T-thank you, Dr." I said still crying and hang up the phone. I sit again on the edge of the bridge. And I don't think I ever cried this much before. I wanna die, but if I suicide, how many people would suicide too? I'm so lost.

I grabbed the notebook and the pen and started to write a song. It's called Roots Before Branches. I'm so tired of this life. So tired. I look to the stars and I sighed.

After I finished the song I get up from the edge of the bridge and wipe away my tears. Everyone is always judging me...I wonder what would they think if they knew everything that is going on in my mind and in my life.

I walk back to my house just looking up to the stars. I love stars, they're kind of my thing. They always amused me, I just don't know why. I think they're beautiful.

I get back home and went to my bedroom and lay on the bed and break down crying again then eventually fell asleep again.