Roots Before Branches

Chapter 3: Therapy

"Hey Rachel, how you're feeling today?" My therapist asked and I sighed.

My therapist, Dr.Potter, is the only person I actually talk. The rest of the world I just talk about work and all. She is my therapist for a few months and I should be feeling better but I'm not. I don't feel like I ever going to be.

"Like every other day." I said sadly and look trough the window of her office. It's in a very tall building well located I may say. I can see the HOLLYWOOD plaque from here. It's an amazing view. It's a sunny day here in Los Angeles, it's summer so it's pretty hot.

"Could you be a little more specific?" She asked and I sighed. She knows what I mean but she needs me to communicate.

"I feel like I have no happiness and joy in my life. Singing is what I love to do the most in my life, but I don't feel the joy in it anymore. I feel like I have everything but I feel like nothing. I'm going crazy, I'm desperate, I don't know what to do." I said and I think is noticeable my agony just trough my voice.

"And why you're feeling like this?" She asked.

"Because I'm all alone all the time. I'm 26 but I have no family and friends. The only person I talk is you Dr and that's kind of your job. My manager is cool and supportive but it's also her job. I know I have millions of fans all over the world and I'm thankful for them, I really am. I love them. But I don't feel like I can give 100% of myself for them because I'm not even 50% full. I'm miserable. When I'm not at events forcing smiles, giving interviews, performing or whatever, I'm at home crying. All alone. In that huge house that sometimes it feels is so small because I can't barely breathe." I said nervously. I can feel my hands shaking and sweating nervously. "I just have too much going on all the time. My family hates me, my oldest friends probably hate me too. I just feel like I'm always trying to impress everyone that I lost myself in the middle. Honestly? Sometimes I just wanna die, to all of this go away, I can't take this anymore." I said with my voice cracking and my eyes got teary. "I tried to kill myself, two weeks ago. My house is always empty but that ONE day, it was the day for the maid go and fix everything up and she found me. I just wanted everything to go away. You probably already knew that because you have my medical record so whatever. But besides a close group of people, no one else knows."

"Rachel, death is never the answer. You need to find the answer, I can't give it to you or that would be too easy. You lost yourself in this journey, but death is never the amswer. Inside you, the old Rachel is still there, but she is drowning. You should just search for her and help her to comeback. You need to go to the roots to find her." She said.

"So...You think I should connect with my roots? Like going back to Lima?" I asked.

"Yes. But, you need to keep taking the antidepressants I gave you. You have high levels of depression and anxiety, Rachel. If you don't take care of yourself, you'll need to go to a clinic. And I'm sure you don't want that." She said and I nodded.

"Thank you, doctor." I said to her.

Lima, Ohio, take care of yourself because Rachel Berry is about to go back to town.