Roots Before Branches

Chapter 6: Best Friends

I wake up take a few instants to realize that I'm not at Beverly Hills, I'm in Lima. I went to the bathroom and take shower and get dressed with simple clothes. I'm feeling weird dressing just normal.

I go downstairs and eat some pancakes and take my antidepressants. I brushed my teeth and I still have no idea of what to do.

It's weird not having a full agenda, I made myself some coffee and went outside the house and sit on the swing on the porch. Why I'm feeling like nothing is working? I'm not feeling any connection with my roots, I don't feel any happier, I don't feel any better. I'm here for three days and I know it won't happen right away but I still feel like truly shit.

"Good morning." An old lady said smiling and she was jogging and I genuinely smiled.

"Morning." I said to her. I don't know why, but this lady kind of gave me comfort. 

She seems that she had a full life. I wonder how that must feels like, to have a full life. To have a life who you're happy in. I wished I could sleep and wake up in someone's else body. Someone who is happy, who don't constantly think about throwing everything away and jump out of a bridge. Must be amazing be happy, I don't remember how it feels. I'm being miserable for such a long time that I'm sure I reached my breaking point now.

"Rachel!" A familiar voice echoed trough my eyes and I take the sight off my coffee and lift up my head seeing Kurt.

"Oh hey Kurt." I said with a smile.

What a lot of people don't know about depression is that just because you're depressed, it doesn't mean you're going to stay at the bedroom crying. You can act completely normal but still be depressed. Sometimes are the people we less expected that struggle the most with the disease.

"Do you wanna hang out today? We can go to the mall or lunch or whatever." He said and I smiled. I'm being really grateful for Kurt, somehow being with him makes me feel a little better than I ever felt since I got here.

"I would love to." I said with a smile.

"Yay!" He said and I chuckled.

"Give me your phone." I said and he hand me his phone and I put my number in it. And he grabbed mines and put his number.

"Cool, I'll text you the time and I'll pick you up. By the way, nice house." He said and I laughed and waved goodbye and he left walking with hands in his pockets. I went inside and stayed the entire morning watching movies.

I see it's 11am and Kurt is coming to pick me up at noon so I decided to get ready. I put a loose pink dress with a pair of heels and grabbed a DG bag and look myself in the mirror. The bell ring and I opened the door and saw Kurt.

"Are you going to the mall like this?" He asked.

"What's wrong?" I asked confused.

"Girl, you're a little, with that I meant too much, dressed up. It's just to the mall. Let me help you." He said and dragged me upstairs and opened my wardrobe and choose an outfit.

"What? You want me to dress that?" I asked. "I mean, yeah it's beautiful but I'm going in public I need to be more dressed up."

"Girl, this is Lima, Ohio. You could wear pjs and everyone will be cool with that. I think you got so used about dressing up that you forgot how to be normal." He said.

"I feel weird, I'm used to wear heels." I said and  he laughed them we left in his car. He turn on the radio and one of my songs was playing and I look to the radio. "This never stops being weird as fuck." I said and he laughed. He drive to the mall as we talk and sing along to the radio. It's really fun to have a friend.

We get into the mall and walk to a restaurant and we take a table in the corner to not be bothered by many people.

"So Kurt, tell me how's everyone! Just because I lost contact doesn't mean I stopped caring." I said and he smiled. "By the way, sorry for being a bitch to everyone."

"Everyone is doing great as far I know." He said but I feel he's hiding something.

"What about the relationships?" I asked.

"Tina and Mike got married last year. Brittany and Santana are married as well for about three years. Sam and Mercedes are dating for 4 years already. Me and Blaine are strong as well.  Puck is still single fucking with everyone and I think that's all." He said. He looks weird, he is hiding me something. I was kind of sad because I lost a lot of my friends weddings.

"What you're hiding?" I asked and he sighed.

"Finn is engaged to Quinn." He said and I was shocked. Wow. Finn Hudson...I don't think about him in a long time. Him and Quinn? I may say that I'm not shocked or surprised. I'm just kind of disappointed. Quinn isn't woman for him, but maybe she changed, right? "Are you okay?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just shocked." I said. Truth is that I was already feeling abd, that made my day ten times worse than already was. "Just a little sad that I missed so much."

"Don't feel bad, it's not your faulf." Kurt said.

"It is, it is my fault. Everythings is always my fault." I said and rest my face on the palms of my hand and sighed frustrated.

"What you're talking about? Don't blame yourself for that. Sure, you should've kept contact but you made a mistake and it's over now." Kurt said and I forced a smile.

"Thanks Kurt." I said.

After the lunch Kurt drove me home and before I get out of the car I give him a tight hug.

"Thank you, Kurt. For being such a good friend even if I wasn't for you. Thank you for being everything I needed right now." I said and he smiled to me and I get off the car.

Kurt

Maybe I'm starting to understand Rachel a little better. Understand why she came reconnect with her roots she just needed a friend. My heart broke when she said that. All she actually wanted was a friend.