I'll Be Fine (All Time Low Fanfic)

Chapter 13

February 2005

The next day, there was only one word for the next day. It was awkward. I stirred in the bed, noticing that I was suddenly cold. I struggled to open my eyes and searched the room, empty. I knew where I was, I wasn’t that confused. I hadn’t slept long looking at the clock, I spent the night sobbing and sniffing, Alex’s arms supporting me, his scent comforting me. Even though I didn’t sleep, after I’d let out all the tears, I hadn’t felt that relaxed in weeks. Footsteps from outside the room brought me back to reality. Alex walked in, a towel around his hips, just showing off some of his V line.
“Oh, you’re awake.” He said blinking. I was sitting up in the bed, staring at him. I nodded. He walked over to his drawers and rummaged through them, dropping his towel and putting on boxers. I noticed the clothes he was putting on weren’t his usual style.
“Where are you going?” I questioned.
“A run.” He simply replied.
“Since when do you run? And why did you shower before running?” I raised my eyebrows.
“Since you left.” He tied the laces of his shoes and started to walk out the door. “I’ll be back sometime later.” And he left. I got the idea that he was upset. But last night he said he was angry with me yet he still cuddled me the whole night, he was confusing. I sighed and went into the guest room to retrieve my stuff.

Isobel was downstairs in the kitchen making pancakes and his dad was sitting at the table reading a newspaper. They both greeted me, friendly as always. I felt comfortable here, Alex and I had been dating for almost two years and it was like a second home to me. I helped Isobel serve up the pancakes and set them on the table. Peter put down his newspaper and we all began to eat, small talk flowed easily.
“So, Isabel do you think you’ll make our lives easier and ever get back to Baltimore?” Peter asked boiling the kettle again.
“What do you mean easier?” I asked, trying to be as polite as I could.
“Alex, I think he means,” Isobel added “He’s been acting weird lately, this jogging thing, he’s become moody. Even when Jack’s around, the two of them just seem to mope – it’s horrible!” she sighed. His father nodded in agreement. I really hadn’t realized how much impact I’d had on them since I left. I guessed I was selfish and only thought of myself. My mind wandered to the scars and I squeezed my eyes shut.
“Well, to answer your question, about a week ago I got some awesome news that someone from around the area I used to live is willing to foster me permanently. Paper work is being done, if all goes well and they decide that I’m not too much of a pain, I’ll be back.” I shrugged.
“You, Miss have a weird effect on that boy.” Mr Gaskarth shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong, there’s no one I’d prefer him with, but it’s like, it’s like. . .”
“Peter, it’s love for God sake! Admit it, he’s seventeen now.” Isobel interrupted. I suddenly felt awkward sitting there. I offered to help wash up but I was a “special guest” so I was refused.
“Um, I don’t mean to sound rude but would you mind if I used you’re shower please? I won’t be long and I won’t-” I was interrupted by Peter’s booming laugh.
“Sweetheart, you’re fine! Go ahead, take your time.” He smiled. I returned his smile gratefully and left.

The hot shower felt good. It felt like it melted all the stress away. Alex had only been gone two hours, so I took up on Peter’s offer and took my time. Everything reminded me if him. They’re soap, shampoo, shower-gel, everything set off some memory of him. I wrapped the big Batman towel around me (presumably Alex’s) and dried myself off. I ran my fingers through my hair getting rid of all the knots before finding a brush and untangling it all. I fixed my hair in place with Alex’s hairspray – only my boyfriend would use hairspray. I walked over to the full length mirror. My freshly washed hair, usually dark anyway looked almost black as it was damp, gently curling past my shoulders. I noticed I’d lost a bit of weight, turning to the side smiling proudly at my accomplishment. I probably should have felt awkward standing in someone else’s bathroom in my underwear, but I didn’t. Turning to the side, I noticed the scars again. I traced the tips of my fingers slowly along them, a shiver rolled down my spine as I remembered the pain I’d went through.
“Why did you do it?” a voice came softly, making me jump. Alex was standing inside the bathroom door looking down at the floor. His hair was still damp, I presumed from sweat this time though. I shrugged. He looked up at me now, I searched for the towel to cover myself. My cheeks were burning.
“No,” he said holding my hand back from covering the towel “Please Iz, tell me. I need to know, it’s eating me.”
“I was in pain Alex.” I whispered.
“I know that but why? Why did you go to that extent?” his eyes were now fixtated on the scars, making me feel slightly uncomfortable.
“Alex, I’d just been kicked out of my family. I found out my mother of the last eleven, twelve years has Cancer. There was a possibility I may never see them again. Not only my family, my best friend since I was four. My other best friend since I was ten. My boyfriend who made me so, so happy. That was all being taken away from me and I’d been relocated where I knew nobody and was forced into a family that didn’t want me, and you want to know what drove me to cutting? You can’t think Alex, all the thoughts cloud your mind. The thought you may replace me, or Jack, or Heather. That I may not be missed as much as I missed you. Paranoia I guess.” I held back the tears that were itching at my eyes. He had taken a few steps forward so he was right next to me now. He gently brushed the tips of his fingers over the scars too. He wrapped his arms around my waist, turning me to face the mirror. He was hugging me from behind. I felt uncomfortable looking at myself half naked in the mirror now, especially because Alex was looking at me too.
“I’m going to sound so cheesy right now Izzy but I want you to listen to me. I’m not trying to be cheesy, I’m serious and I want you to know that. Isabel, you are beautiful. Seriously. You are never to think different to that. I never want to hear you self-deprecating again, ever. You are stunningly pretty, I’m so lucky to have found someone as beautiful as you on the outside as well as the in. Sure, you have faults, one of them being putting yourself down all the time, worrying too much and being absolutely terrified of feet,” he smiled gently “but we all do, especially me. And for a second thing, how could you even think for a second none of us would miss you? I’ve been going stir crazy without you. It’s crazy, I’ve never felt so lost or lonely, even with my best friend and family etcetera. I just feel like something’s missing, not right. That’s you not being here.” He kissed my neck softly.
“Alex?” I looked up at him.
“Mmmhmm?”
“You’re right,”
“Wow, you’ve finally realized it-”
“You did sound super cheesy, but I love you.” I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my head on his shoulder. He hugged me back, holding me tightly but gently, he knew just right.
There was some hope for me now, maybe things would be just fine.