Roots Before Branches

Chapter 1: Lonely

"Here with us today we have...Rachel Berry!" Ellen shouted and I walk in and waved to the audience who cheered and I hugged Ellen.

"Hey!" I said smiling.

"It's such a pleasure to receive you here Rachel." Ellen said and I smiled.

"Oh please I love coming here!" I said and she laughed and I smiled.

"So Rachel! Let me ask you a few questions about your personal life if that's okay?" She asked and I smiled.

"That would be totally fine." I said smiling.

"Hm...Let's start with some easy questions. What do you do to write your lyrics? Do you have some kind of ritual or something before writing?" She asked.

"Not really, I usually write song really easily. I just need to connect with the side of mine that I don't let anyone see it. That side that I don't know how to show people without being trough music." I said.

After filming to Ellen's show and I was in the car going home I sighed and lean my head in the backseat. I'm so tired, I don't really can tell the last time I actually slept. Interviews, photo shootings, recording and all of that. Is more tiring than it actually looks like.

The driver stop in front of the mansion I live here all alone in Beverly Hills and he opened the door for me and I got off the car and walk inside the house. Like the usual, is empty. This house is huge but it's lonely.

I have everything a person could actually want, I have millions of dollars, I have fame, I have fans, I have the privilege of being famous. But why do I feel so lonely? Why I'm always surronded by people but I'm feeling so lonely?

I live in a sad life, in a world of appearances that no matter how hard I try, I can't be fully happy here. I just don't know why. I hate feeling like this. Feeling that I'm suffocating all the time, I have no one to talk with. I have no one to give me an advice.

I walk trough the house and the only sound echoing is the sound of my heels tapping on the  white marble on the floor. As I walk trough hallways I get in a part of my house that I don't go very much. It's the room where my past lives in. Pictures, records, diaries, clothes...

I get in the room and see boxes everywhere. I saw one with the name Glee Club on it and that brought me back so many memories. Can't believe it's been 8 years since I last spoke with many of them. Sometimes I regret so much of not keeping contact with at least some of them.

I open the door and see tons of boxes. I opened one box and opened and see tons of pictures then I grabbed the first one and was from when we won Nationals. It's a beautiful picture. Then I let go and grabbed another one and saw that it was me, Mercedes, Tina and Kurt back in Sophomore Year. I smiled with the memory, we were such a babies. I can't believe the Glee Club started 10 years ago, wow. It seems it was another life. It doesn't feel that I even lived that, seems such distant memories.

I felt a few tears in my eyes that I immediately wiped away and get out of the room. That's why I never come here. This always happens. I can't have the past back. Can't I ever be genuinely happy in my life? A genuine relationship that no one wants something from me besides love? My past relationships wanted my money and my fame. And my oldest relationships don't wanna look to my face now.

I screwed up big time with everyone. After graduation I left and never looked back. Before moving, I had a HUGE fight with my parents and I don't talk or see them in 8 years. With my friends, my schedule always came up. Something always came up and we eventually lost contact. That's a sad way to live.

I don't feel like trying anymore, happiness is something that seems so far now. I can try and try and try but I'm never going to be happy again. Sooner I accept that, it's best.

I'm destined to be alone.