Lost Love

Chapter 37

Christian's POV
Meeting up with Charlotte must have been the most intimidating thing I've ever done- yes, when she's angry she intimidates me.
I know she's gonna be so mad when she finds out I've been the one sending her flowers and letters but I just can't help it. I still love her; I know I messed up pretty bad but I still love her.
I wanted to explain everything to her but before I could she had packed up her things and left the country. I didn't know what to do; her departure messed up my brain and I had to go for treatment. I was really traumatised about the whole thing- I started getting violent; breaking things, cutting myself, drinking to stupor and other sorts. My parents registered me in a facility for treatment even Emily left me after a while- not like I wanted her at all. She started the whole problem herself and I can't even forgive myself for doing what I did.
Well, I do hope Charlotte would forgive me. I already had this planned; I bought another bouquet of white roses to give her. I was really nervous and I started sweating without even leaving my hotel room.
Nervous isn't good. Before I was released from the facility, my psychiatrist warned me to avoid any thing that would trigger an episode. I was given some drugs to take everyday and also to avoid anything that would make me nervous. I was told to avoid anything that would make me emotional as I could spiral out of control.
I quickly took my pills and tried the breathing exercise to calm myself down. Minutes later, I was calm and collected. Sighing heavily, I checked my phone to see a text from her; she had gotten to our meeting point. I took the flowers from the table and left. I couldn't wait to see her.
Getting to the place, I looked around and I spotted her sitting down with her head buried in her phone.
I moved over to her and sat down on the empty chair on the other side of the table. She took her time to study me- she appeared calm but knowing her, there was a storm brewing inside. I waited patiently as her eyes skimmed me over, from being blank to recognition. Her eyes were a whirlwind of emotion and I wondered what she was thinking about; was it my betrayal? Or the fact that after years I'm right in front of her? I wouldn't know.
As quick as the emotions passed through her eyes, I watched as she blinked once, twice and I knew what was coming after- tears. She was crying because I hurt her. It pained me to see her like that. She was always the strong confident girl and never left anyone see her cry. I saw her cry only twice- that was when she told me about her mother and at the garden when she saw me and Emily. I must have truly hurt her.
I pulled out an handkerchief for her to use to clean her tears ignoring the ache in my heart and the urge to put my hands around her. I pulled out the flowers just as she was cleaning her eyes and kept it on the table. She composed herself minutes after that and her eyes held fire as she looked at the flowers with contempt- now she was angry.
She opened her mouth and questions flew out of her mouth without giving me any chance to reply.
I hurt her and it was my fault; all my fault. If only I had refused Emily's approach, none of this would be happening. Without knowing what else to do, I started crying too while mumbling words of apology.