Totally Normal (A Hobbit story)

A Blast From the Past Never Did Any Harm

A/N) Y'all ready for some crazy nonsense? And some backstory to this story? This was originally just one of my deleted scenes, but it's my favorite, so I'm putting it in anyway.

We had been staying in Rivendell for a few days now, and I saw how crazy the Dwarves had been making the elves who lived there.

In fact, that morning, I had heard from Lord Elrond, how just that morning, he and Lindir had caught them bathing and playing in one of their public, treasured fountains.

It had crossed my mind to apologize on their behalf, but I would only speak for myself and I expressed my embarrassment.

I did show my restitution in another way though; by keeping the Dwarves mostly confined to their sleeping hall to compensate for damages and limit their uncouth habits. I stayed with them when I could, telling them stories of great heroes and mighty adventures. It seemed to work, as they all focused and listened whenever I came in with a new story.

Bilbo would always be by my side whenever I retold a new adventure, and he would always come to me after I finished and ask me all these questions about it like;

"So how did he really survive the fall?"

"He said he knew from the first kiss that she had her eyes wide open, but how would he know?"

"Did Delilah ever tell that guy what it was like in New York City?"

"How would he know they're on Earth 616 if he's from the same world, and made up his past?"

He really seemed supportive, and unlike a lot of men I had come to know, he actually listened to what I had to say.

As I rolled into the hall with a new story, I watched in dismay as the Dwarves were breaking all the wooden furniture to add onto a bonfire they had made on the formerly clean floor, just to cook sausages.

Even though they were totally embarrassing, I said nothing because it's either let them destroy their confined space, or let them run amok all over Rivendell.

"Tanya!" They all cheered when they saw me.

I gave a half smile and waved. "Hi boys."

They all scrambled either towards me, or to face me as I made my way over to my story chair, that they had miraculously left untouched.

I had a good story planned for that evening, but before I got a single word out, Baulin called out, "Tanya dearie, you wouldn't happen to take requests would you?"

A request? No one's asked for a request before. "Well sure." I responded. "What did you want to hear?"

"A pirate story!" One of them declared.

I raised my eyebrows. "A pirate story?" I asked with a smile. I have plenty of those.

"We all decided that we want a story from your pirate days!"

Suddenly my smile disappeared. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, you never talk about it."

"Everyone knows pirates have the best stories."

Admittedly, my pirate days had been a better time in my life. In some ways; a lot of ways, I really missed those days.

I stared across at my audience, wondering why they thought it was so damn funny to put me on the spot, but all eyes were on me, interested and captivated.

With a quick glance at Bilbo, he gave me an encouraging nod and smile.

I huffed before rethinking an old voyage before I retired. "Yeah alright, my last journey took me and my crew to a whole bunch of tropical, uninhabited islands; or what we thought was uninhabited...