Totally Normal (A Hobbit story)

If School Isn't a Place to Sleep, Then Home Isn't a Place to Study

A/N) This chapter was supposed to come after How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria, but the file accidentally erased itself, so I posted the next few chapters while I was rewriting the whole damn thing.

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Ah, back for more are you? Good for you. Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for you to piece together that my replacement wasn't actually me? Didn't even get it until you were directly spoonfed the answer a few chapters ago.

No, I'm sorry that was a bit rude. I'm just a little stressed after I was replaced by an evil doppelgänger twin, and they could be doing who knows what to my friends; and wearing my face while doing it.

But enough of that.

Did you even miss me? Because I missed you.

Anyways, I am back for real, and Dopamine is running through my brain. It feels so good.

What should we do to fill the remaining time? Should we fill it with awkward pauses? That's how it's done for comedic effect.

Is it working?

So, finally caught up with me, have you? Let's backtrack them, so get out your Plotcorn and go back to that one night, when I was tied up to a tree-

Let's see; I began to cut my ropes, I had a plan of escape (mostly just running like hell and scream at the top of my lungs so everyone would know where I was), but then my idiot of a brother just had to come in and ruin it all, taking me in and setting a Spy in my place.

And who was this spy you may ask; of course, it's in fact none other than- okay you know what, no. I'll make you wait on that and let you figure it out. Call it "compensation" from not realizing that the Spy wasn't me at all.

Okay, don't blow your top. He's not my actual brother, but with skin changers being so rare and sparse, our kind is a family whether grafted on the same family tree or not. Knowing our traditions and sense of family, Bolg made it a kind of joke to call us "Brother" or "Sister."

Humans are complicated in their way. They have so many of their people, they have to come up with made up constructs like territories and deities to unite different parts of their own people. All humans tend to see is the Us and the Them. The I'll protect my immediate own and shun everyone else.

My people are not like that at all. 

But we're getting off track here. I was trying to explain Bolg and his wicked sense of humor.

I don't explain a lot, but I feel like this deserves a little explanation. You see, when a mommy Kitsune (狐) and daddy Tanuki (狸) love each other very much, they go to the pumpkin patch. And inside that pumpkin of choice, is a little diamond. The mommy has to swallow the diamond up whole, where it sits in her belly for months and months, and after a time, turns into a baby. 

Alright, now that we understand the completely natural elements that go into the process of making the puppelchens, it should be noted that blood-of-my-blood, Bolg, was not made by this process at all.

When he was made, my people had been hunted down by swarms of Orcs- including my own nuclear family unit, and rounding up as many of them as they could find into sort of prison camps (and that being the nice way of saying we were trapped in cages all of the time).