that day i murder someone...

after all this its still coming back to me

I struggle in the bedsheets. Sweat driping down my face as i dream about the flashbacks from weeks ago.

*Flashbacks*
Blood covering my nuckles from me punching the person infront of me.the person laying there not breathing at all and tears running down my eyes as i sniffle and wipe off my blood covering hands.

I immediately wake up and scream. The pillow next to me wet from all the tears and sweat. I breath heavy trying to consume all the air i need.

I hear footsteps coming up the stairs getting closer and closer. The door flies open and i quickly cover myself with the blanket. "Cheralina?" I slowly pull the covers, and see a smiling paulette standing in the door way. "Oh pauly!" I run up to her and cry in her arms.

"What happened cher?" I look at her for a straight 2 minutes and i slowly start to speak."oh paulette... I just had a bad dream, thats all." I wanted to tell her so bad.

I couldn't trust anyone. Not even myself. A secret like this cant be told. Im too scared of what is going to happen. I didnt mean to do it.

"everything is fine! tomorrow is a new day." she gives me a tight hug and a kiss on my cheek and starts to walk out of the room."Pauly..." She turns to me and looks me in the eyes.

"Yes cheralina?" i smile sadly and she smiles back." i love you pauly". she then blows a kiss and turns off the lights and goes back to the room she is staying in.

How can i live with this secret when its riping me apart. I need to tell someone...i just cant. I wish i had never let myself do that.

I get back into the bed and stare at the ceiling for hours and hours. It seemed like forever.

i look over to see the sunset from out the window. I get up and walk down stairs. Its 6 o'clock in the morning and im surprised by Elijah and paulette handing me a plate of fresh homemade pancakes and frech vanilla coffee.

"you didnt have to make all this." I smile. "But thank you." I hug them both.

"Mom its always good to surprise you with things and see you smile." Elijah puts on his coat. "Baby your leaving already?" i look at Elijah with a sad face. "Mom i have work, and a wife. I promise to come by tomorrow." Elijah smiles and gives me a hug and leaves.

I sit down on the sofa and turn on the television and start to eat. Pauly sits right next to me and eats her food.

Pauly turns to me." well...i was wondering if you wanted to go to the beach?" I look at her. "Im not in the mood pauly." i stare at the t.v and continue to eat.

" Cherilyn is everything alright?" Pauly askes me as i still continue to eat and stare at the t.v.

"Everything is fine paulette." I smile and get up. I put my dish in the sink and wash my hands. I go upstairs ignoring paulette and the rest of the things around.

I go to my room and lay down on the bed. I stare at the wall and try to take a nap.