Love and Lies

CHAPTER 11

Date: 8 July, 2019

6 weeks later:

I could hear my parents' voices from the other room. I could feel the anger in their every word. Tears flooded my face. How did all this happen? Oh no! That wasn't the question. The question was how could i have expected to have a future with Zayer after what my past beheld.

The door to my room opened with the force and my mother barged in. I sprang up from my lying position. Her nostrils were flaring with anger and her eyes were filled with disappointment.

"How could you do this to us?" She seethed in anger.

More tears made their way down my face. I looked away, unable to look into her eyes.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US? TELL ME! ANSWER ME!" She screamed. I flinched yet i wasn't able to speak. I shivered as i cried and cried and cried.

She floundered towards me and grabbing me by my arms, she shook me furiously.

"Didn't we teach you well? Weren't we good parents? What made you do this? Answer me Samreen for Allah's sake just answer me! Your silence is killing me!"

"I...I...ma..made a..a...mi..mi..mis..mistake" I rolled out the words in between my sobs and hiccups.

"Yes you did. And it has put us to shame." She pushed me and i fell on my bed.

"I used to be so proud of you. But now all i fell is shame. All i can think about is where i went wrong with your upbringing."

I joined my hands in front of her as i finally gathered courage to look into her eyes.

"I am so sorry Mom. I am sorry." I cried

"I cannot forgive you. Not yet at least." She said and turned to leave. When she reached the door, she stopped and turned to me again.

"One more thing. Don't go in front of your father. He doesn't want to see your face. He told me to convey you that." And with that she left, slamming the door shut behind her.

I threw my head on the pillow and muffled my shouts with it. Two hours ago, i had everything and now, nothing..There was just emptiness.

As the tears ran down my face and the pain numbed my whole body, my mind drifted to the day which was one of the best days of my life..The day which seemed like some long forgotten dream now. And in a way, it was. These six months were a beautiful dream and i woke up to a nightmare. Because there is where i am supposed to live. In a nightmare.

6 months earlier:

I fiddled with my fingers as be sat opposite to me. Haya sat adjacent to us and kept shifting her eyes between us.

"You guys planning on talking any time soon?" She asked, breaking the ice surrounding our table.

"Yeah..ummm...sure" Zayer said and cleared his throat.

I straightened myself on my chair and waited for him to commence the conversation.

"We already talked before our parents fixed everything-----"

"Oh great! So this meeting and me sitting here in this really stupid crowded restaurant was a waste of time?" Haya interrupted

Zayer and I glared at her and she quickly zipped her mouth.

"So anyway.." Zayer said, turning back to me "I don't think i have any questions but if  you have any questions or you want to tell me anything, i would be happy to answer."

For a split second, i wanted to tell him everything that i did. But the selfish nerve in my body bolted my mouth. Seeing contempt for me in his eyes would kill me. So i couldn't say anything. I should have but i didn't.

"Ummm..Are you ok with me working after marriage?"

"Did you ask that question because you think i am some kind of male chauvinist jerk?" He asked with his eyes narrowed down at me.

"What? No! I..I was just..i mean" I stuttered

He started laughing at my embarrassing red face. "Calm down. I am just kidding. And to answer your question. No i don't mind as long as your priorities are set right." He answered

"Priorities?"

"Yeah. I mean i would love for you to pay attention to your work, but family is important too."

"Do you think i am one of those girls who don't care about her family and always leaves them unattended?" I asked sternly.

This time, he stammered "No! I didn't mean that" He protested in defense.

I laughed "Relax i am messing with you. And to answer your question, don't worry, family is always going to be my priority because i know it's yours too."

He was my priority ever since. He still is. But i am not his anymore. Why would i be? After everything i did, why would he love me anymore?

A moment ago, i had everything. I had him. And now, there was nothing except for the weight of my mistakes which were further burying me in my own shame and guilt and regrets. And i wish i could undo this. I wish i could go back and stop myself from making all those mistakes. But i can't. There was only one thing i could do and it was to look directly in the eyes of the harsh reality of my unfortunate life.

I had lost him.

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