Chasing Rainbows ➳ Kellic

Chapter 10: I'm Okay

I should probably add a trigger warning. It’s not much, but just being careful

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~Vic's POV~

Nope. I cannot go. I just can't. Maybe I can be sick... But after being 'sick' so much last year, my parents hardly believe me. New plan. Oh, I could break something. Something small that could get my off for a while... Well, when I broke my hand I got a few weeks off, then when I went back, I didn't have to do the work. But, the works not the problem. Education is the only reason I go at all. I couldn't skip. There's no way to get out. Nothing will save me, so I'll have to put up with another day of that place. Not just another day, another year. Then another... Until I can leave that place and go to college.

Okay, you can do this. Remember what you told yourself, think positively. Just get the through the day, and everything will be okay. You get to see your friends. Remember them? They are there for you.

I looked up from the sink to meet my reflection. "Think positive," I whispered to myself, continuing to let out a sigh, knowing I'd already given up. I gave myself a fake smile before tuning from the room and back to my own.

I paced up and down in my room, that strange yet familiar feeling retuning to the pit of my stomach. Just as always. I brought my hand up to my hair before running it through it. I gave my head a shake, then grabbed my black hat from the side of my bed, putting it on my head backwards. I can do this.

I dragged my feet along the ground, grabbing my bag while stuffing a bunch of random books in it. I slung it over my shoulder and began to make my way downstairs. But I stopped.

I stood mid-way through the door. I could feel that slight shake of the hands. My chest became tight. My head felt heavy. I rested my arm up to the doorway, leaning on it. This feeling shouldn't be here! It should be gone by now. Surely. No, I can do this!

I went to take another step forward but I felt my foot wouldn't budge. I couldn't move from where I was. My breathing sped up as I turned my head around looking back into my room fast, despite the rest of my body wanting to stay put. Something caught my eye. The light reflected off it. The small glisten that stood on my dresser. The small shine brought me in, my legs moving towards it, not even realising what I was doing.

I stood over it, leaning down to look. I knew what it was, I knew from back there. And I knew I needed it. I wanted badly to use it now, but restrained myself. It gave me a sense of comfort in a way, just to carry it around. You know, just in case. Because without it, it can end up worse.

I reached down to pick up that piece of twisted metal. The safety pin, giving a reason to its name. The feeling of safety to have this in my pocket. I fiddled it around in my fingers before putting it into my pocket. I knew it was one of those days. Though I can control myself now, here at home, I don't know how I'll go at school. I need it. I'd like to think I won't use it, but... It is just one of those days.

★

"How often do you think about death?" My breathing hitched at the question. Why must you ask this today? Any other day, just maybe, I could have handled it. But not today.

"I try not to think about it, just live life," was the first answer. Every morning in home room, before class, we have a question to discuss. One student is picked to ask the class a question from the ones we wrote out on the first day, given three options. Then we go around the room, each student answering the question. They always have to be personal. But why this personal!?

"Meh, it's just something that happens to everyone."

"I tend to ignore it."

“This is only a part of our lives. The lives we live on earth. There’s always the afterlife.”