Chasing Rainbows ➳ Kellic

Chapter 40: Scream Your Name

~Kellin's POV~

I regret not talking to Vic the other day when I had the chance. We could be back together by now. Will we ever get back together? It doesn't seem like he'll make the first move anymore, but I told myself I wouldn't, and that I'd wait. I think that is because I'm scared. I don't know how to fix things, I have no idea. I'm scared of making things worse, or him rejecting me. What if he doesn't want to get back together? I don't know what I'd do, if I heard him say he doesn't love me anymore. I don't know if I could handle that complete rejection, the type I've been facing all my life, yet still hurts just as much now as ever.

I feel I should still at least wait for some sort of sign from him, to tell me he still loves me.

That sign could have been from the other day, in fact, it probably was. Yet I missed my chance. I knew I shouldn't have just said we should go to class. And it even looked like he was going to say something to me. But, I still basically told him to go. What does he think of that?

The hug felt real, it felt like we connected. We stood unmoving in each other's arms, loosing track of time. That wouldn't have happened if just anyone came through that door, most would have ignored me.

I want to find him, and tell him everything I'm thinking. I want to tell him how I still love him. I want to tell him I want to get back together, that everything was my mistake. That we never should have broken up in the first place. But how can I? I don't know if I'd be able to say those words. Nerves may stop me; fear of rejection. When I imagine the situation, I see it going wrong. I imagine myself not being able to get out a single word. What if that happens?

"You ready yet?" Oli asked, disrupting my train of thought. Tonight is the performance night. I'm required to go, but I really don't want to. I know it will just remind me of Vic and me, working on that song together, that now will just go unheard. It will remind me that I will now probably fail the only real class I once enjoyed. It will remind me of all what I've lost, all because of a misunderstanding. I couldn't care less about that boy, especially now I've put him in his place. He hasn't done anything bad to me since the other day. Usually I would at least get fowl looks from him in the hallways and such, but now he and his friends are ignoring me completely. Thank god for that. It makes it feel more like the whole thing has been a waste.

"Almost," I replied, getting off the bed and walking towards a suitcase I kept my clothes in. I never unpacked, assuming me and Vic would be together sooner than this. Or that I'd find somewhere else to live. This was meant to be more temporary. I still have some of my things at Vic's, the things I didn't find time to grab, because it was too hard for me to even be there at the time. I was so stupid. Why did I say a break up? Over something so trivial. I hate myself for that.

"We should get there by quarter to seven at the latest. I need to find out when I'm performing. And we need to pick up Josh first," Oli said. I looked at the time. We would probably be leaving at around half past, so I had about fifteen minutes to get ready. I would have wanted to stay here instead, but I know I would think more about Vic here than there. At least I'd have more distractions.

"Okay," I said, pulling out a black band shirt and faded skinny jeans. Oli closed the door for me to get ready. I chucked off the clothes I was wearing and slipped into these clean ones. I left the room to the bathroom, doing my hair. I was ready with a few minutes to spare.

"Let's go," Oli announced as we walked out the door, me quickly putting on my Toms as we walked out.

We got in the car to Josh's place. They still aren't together, and I don't think Oli has said anything yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if Josh liked him too. He's been acting pretty flirty towards him. It's obvious, anyone can see it. And now Josh won't have to worry about the boys as much, he said he had a later conversation with them about it all. They were angry with him, that they couldn't control him, and that's why they let him leave. I still don't know why he had to be part of that group in the first place though.