Have you ever had the feeling that nobody wants you anymore? Like you were born into this world for a purpose and now it's been fulfilled without you even knowning so now it's time you need to leave? Well that's how i feel and that's how i've been feeling for a while. The boys really don't get it no matter how hard they try it always turns into them telling me it'll be okay or to ignore it when in truth? You can't ignore it.
I remember when we had our red or black performance and Harry screwed up on one note, He still did a fantastic job but they tore him down like wild animals, He locked himself up for days because of that and then when we did our year in the making programme i remember him saying 'I've always wanted to be one of those people who didn't really care that much about what people thought about them but i just don't think i am' .
Eventually convinced him that it was one time and you can't always get everything perfect so then he returned back to being his normal self, Yeah he still recieved hate but it never got as bad as that again and he learned to deal with it where as me? I never will learn to deal with it because it's not just one thing they rip me apart for, It's everything.
My hair, My eyes, My braces, My height, My vocals. Everything. I always knew i was going to get hate because i was now in a band and obviously not everyones going to like our music. I thought that since we'd all get it together i'd be okay and we'd work throught it but when i noticed that i seemed to be getting it more than everyone else my wall that i had down slowly started to rise back up until i couldn't be me anymore in fear that people would hate me even more.
I stopped going out, Pretending to be sick when concerts came around because i figured you can't be hated on if you don't do anything and then when it stopped i'd come back then everything would be okay again, I'd be liked and not have to worry about looking on twitter everyday.
The boys had all gone out a while ago so i decided that i hadn't been on twitter in a while so i pulled my phone out from my back pocket and opened the app, At first everything seemed okay, Everyone was being nice but then that's when i made the mistake of going onto my mentions where i found tweet after tweet of hateful messages.
@WeHateNiall @NiallOfficial; Why are you even in 1D your nothing.
@NIALLOUTOF1D! @NiallOfficial; It's time you left the band and do everyone some good!
@HoranGottaGo @NiallOfficial; I know you've seen everyones tweets so just do it. Go.
At some point during the time of reading these few and more i'd ended in the bathroom with my back against the door sobbing my heart out until it physically hurt my chest to cry anymore, I'd never felt more alone then i had now and knowing people didn't want me in One Direction anymore aswell as not wanting me alive i have to admit that hurt.. A lot.
It was then that my mind flicked to the razor sitting on the side of the sink, I'd used it many times before but it had been around a year ago so with much persuasion the boys had agreed to put all the razors and sharp objects they once conviscated out of my apartment back in aslong as i swore to myself and them that i'd never cut again. Id never been one to break promises but this time i felt like i needed to.
Liams P.O.V.
Me, Louis, Harry and Zayn were sat in our local Nandos about to get the check when my phone buzzed, It wasn't a twitter notification like normal so i pulled it out to reveal a text from my bestfriend Danielle and i have to admit what i read next worried me quite a bit.
From: Danielle
Hey Li, You should check Ni's twitter. Worse than i've ever seen x
