Not What We Expected

35: (Not) Expect(ed)

 I'm sorry for my absence, just feel a bit distracted at the moment. 

---

Even though Dec didn't drink a single millilitre of alcohol the day before, it's like he's waking up with the worst hangover anxiety ever. He regrets everything and every new memory that pops up in this head makes him want to cringe and never look anyone in the eyes ever again. He just wants to hide under his blanket forever and ever, until everyone he met yesterday night is dead.

He realised that the last cut yesterday was a really stupid idea already a few minutes after the cut was done - but now he realises-realises how stupid-stupid it really-really was. The motivation is always at least it's not dangerous, but yesterday it was. How could he do it? Didn't he realise the consequences of it?

And now he is not really thinking about the wound and the fact that it's hurting a lot right now, but mostly about the fact that it forced him to call someone and he called Anth. First he calls the guy's penis small and then two weeks later he expects the same guy to help him out of a situation he created himself to a hundred percent.

He called Anth! And Anth called Christine?! And then he was taken to a hospital where he met a doctor who seemed to hate him and two women who treated him like a child under ten years. And he was told that his parents are going to be informed about everything. Dec is often walking around and thinking fuck, but right now he really is fucked! He is so fucked!

Dec is drifting back and forth between sleeping and just laying there staring out in the room without looking at something. He has no idea about what time it is or where Anth is, but after a while, he feels how someone is sitting down on the bed.

"You're awake.", Anth states and Dec just nods, "How you're doing?"

"Al-", he starts but stops himself. He was about to say that he is alright, just out of pure habit but he knows it won't work this morning. Anth won't believe that. "Honestly - shit...", he says and sits up slowly.

"Does your arm hurt a lot?"

"Eh- that too.", Dec shrugs, "But that was the purpose so I can't say anything."

Then is Ant silent for a while, a sad smile on his lips when he moves closer and strokes Dec's back. Dec knows that they have a lot to talk about, but he isn't going to be the person to bring that up. If he can push the talking about reality away from him, he is going to do that again and again. 

Right now, at the moment does it feel so right again. Sitting on a bed together with Anth and it feels like he likes him again. He never expected this lad to become this important to him. It's the first time it actually feels like he really is liked back and it's the first boy Jojo 'approves'. Anth did become this important and Dec still managed to fuck things up because he overthought a thing two weeks ago and didn't think through at all, a second thing yesterday...

"Decs... Despite yesterday-", Anth says and then silence for a while but Dec responds with nodding slowly, just waiting for him to continue, "We still have to talk about what happened last time... at yours..."

"I know... I'm- I shouldn't have said it..."

"You shouldn't.", Anth agrees with a nod.

Dec has been thinking about this a lot, but he hasn't reached an answer if he should explain exactly why he did it? He realised that he shouldn't have done what he did, but he's still not totally sure that Jojo was right, claiming that 'I don't want to have sex with you' had been a better way to go.

"It was one of the biggest lies I've ever told though...", Dec says and looks up at Anth who looks like a combination of uncomfortable and relieved, "Take it from someone who really knows, I've seen a lot- if I put it like that."