Loved in Shades (A Jaylor Fanfiction)

Sage

So casually cruel in the name of being honest
3 days later
Taylor's POV
I pace around my living room trying to find the courage in my heart to call him but I don't have it. It doesn't exist because he destroyed me.

One step, two steps, three steps, four steps...

Every interaction I have with him is always a mess and never feels good in the heart. It kills you from the inside out and brings out the worse parts of you.

Five steps, six steps, seven steps, eight steps...

It hurts. It hurts bad. It hurts so badly to a point to where I can't breathe around him. It's like I'm drowning underwater and trying to swim up every single time I'm around him.

Nine steps, ten steps, eleven steps, twelve steps...

I look at my phone just sitting on my couch. I need to call him. I have to tell him.

Thirteen steps, turn around, one step, two steps...

I slowly walk over to the couch and sit down. My hands shake as well as my legs. My heart pounds as I pick up my phone and it opens.

"You know, I don't need to do this. It's fine. I'll just miscarry without him ever noticing something ever happened." I say to myself.

I sigh and look at my phone. I hate/love him but that doesn't mean he should be withheld the information as being the father.

"No. I have to do the right thing."

I open the phone app and click on Joe's contact. I inhale and press "call" which starts a quiet ring. My heart is barely working, with each small ring it feels like my heart will start again but would shortly go back into cardiac arrest.

"Hello?" I hear on the other end of the phone.

"It's me, Taylor." I say softly.

"I know. What do you want from me now?" Joe asks with a snappy tone.

"I-I I have something to tell you. I'm- I'm- pr-" I stopped my self.

"What?" He ask.

"I just need you to come over."

"Taylor-"

"Please. It's important."

"Fine. I'll be there in 20."

I look down at the phone and press the red button to end the phone call. Small tears went down my face in relief that I got it over with but that wasn't even the hard part. The time slowly. It was lagging as I saw each digit of the time change.

Then I heard it. Three sharp knocks on the door. I second guess if I should even answer it. I should just pretend I wasn't here or something.

No. I have to do it.

I slowly walk once again.

One step, two step, three step...

I sharply turned the handle and pull it open.

"Hey..." I say with my head looking down.

"Hey."  Joe says walking through the door into the living room.

I turn around and saw him walk and avoid me much as possible. At least our feelings for each other are pretty mutual.

"I don't want to be here any longer then I want to so what is it?" He says turned around with his right hand around his chin.

"I'm pregnant." I spill. The words...I didn't know what to do with them. I should have sat him down or at least given him something but they just came out. I spent all this time not knowing how to cope or how to even get him here and then I just obliviously just told him.

He turns around slowly and looks at me. He takes his hand off chin and puts it to his side.

"It's uh...nice to see you've moved on then." Joe says. This causes me shock and disbelief as that he would think I would move on like this.

"Moved on? I'm not even close." I say softly.

"Well, we tried and we took tests. It's not possible."

"Apparently it is."

"I saw the baby. It has a heartbeat this time. Do you want to see the picture?" My voice is gently. I don't want my words to cause an argument but it's probably inevitable.

"Seems like a waste of time."

"Why not? It's our baby?" I ask confused.

"All you do is miscarry. I wouldn't get your hopes up." He says those words which hit me hard and my heart feels like stone.

"Joe, just listen." My tone is gentle and calm.

"Taylor as the father, I think after what happened last time, we should never put another child through that." 

"What?"

"Put us through that. See our dead child." He says with his tone changing to trying to take dominance.

"Are you recommending?" I can see that through his voice and the pain in his eyes he doesn't want to go through this again. He wants me to get an abortion. He doesn't want to face more suffering but he's doing it the cowards way.

"Yes."

"No. Not in a million years."

"Taylor-"

"This is my baby! Now get out of my house right now!"

"Come on."

"GET OUT! GET OUT RIGHT NOW OR I WILL CALL THE POLICE!" I yell at him while pointing at the door

He storms out and slams the door. I run up to it and quickly lock every single lock on the door. I run around the house and lock the windows and slam every possible thing shut. I grabbed Meredith, Olivia and Benjamin and just locked myself in my room with all my cats.

This is how you cure problems clearly. By locking yourself in your room with your cats. Benji came up to me and sat in my lap. He started to purr and I scratched my head. I didn't even cry. I just sat there with nothing to feel but a pool of desultory.

Why do the people you love...loved the most...hurt you the most.

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Authors note: I love emotionally hurting myself. Ugh I take so long to update.

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