Loved in Shades (A Jaylor Fanfiction)

Orange

Are we out of the woods yet?
3 days later
Present time
Taylor Swift's Pov
I open my with my eyes which are bloodshot red from crying and try to close them again just to sleep. All I want is to sleep right now. I want to sleep and disappear from everything and forget everything. I look at the clock which reads 5:17. Right on schedule. I stay in bed trying to shake the feeling away but that's not possible. You know that moment when you just want to push something away and pretend it doesn't exist anymore? You just want to forget it exists and erase it from your memory completely. Anxiety pumps through my heart to where it feels like I can't breathe and no air is entering my lungs.

I realize I can't hold it in longer and run to the toilet to throw up. I still have the stomach flu which is driving me crazy. Another thing to hate Joe for right now is him making me sick as a dog. Breathing becomes harder as I vomit harshly. Once I'm done I lay against the wall and try to breath. I love being sick so much to where I can't breathe. I shiver greatly being unable to actually have my fever go away. Everything in my body aches and I'm so tired of constantly throwing up. I finally get the power to stand up and when I do I grab a tissue right away. At this point there's tissues scatters across the house. I sneeze and just toss the tissue on the floor because I don't care anymore. I walk out to the kitchen and grab a cup of tea. I get under a blanket and start to watch friends again. I watch the episode called the one after 'I do'.

I take a sip of my tea and stare down at the hot liquid where some steam comes out. It triggers a small flashback and it causes me to break into tears.

•        •         •

"What is this Joe?" I say holding up the cloth on the floor. He stays silent as the mirror in the bathroom fills with steam.

•        •        •

I close my eyes to try and wipe out that memory, but it doesn't leave. I set down the tea far away so I can't see the steam that causes me misery. My stomach shoots pain throughout my body as I am also starving since of my lack of food. The memory of being in that bathroom with Joe once comes back and plays on repeat. I cover my head and just try and scream to let the pain out. I cry more and just lay on the couch and pass out.

When I wake up again I can actually breathe. My throat doesn't feel scratchy and my nose as cleared up slightly. I can tell I still have the sniffles but so much has cleared up. I look at my phone and I was asleep for 13 hours. Maybe sleep is what I really just needed to get better. Even though a lot of symptoms have disappeared, I still have the urge to throw up unfortunately. I finally get the energy to clean up and throw everything away but I'm just waiting to throw up again.

•        •        •

One week later
When I wake up, I wake up very quickly as my stomach churns greatly. When I look at my clock, it reads 5:17. Right on time. I throw off my blankets and rush to the bathroom and do my morning routine, which starts off with me throwing up. I hold my hair back and feel my eyes stinging and my arm shooting with pain. I get up and lean against the wall, trying to breathe. After a few minutes of self loathing, I finally stand up and just decide to go back to bed. I wake up to a phone call and I see that it's Selena. I pick up my phone and groan as I answer.

"Hey." I say grumbling.

"Hey, I'm outside your place. Can you let me in?" She says.

"Uuuugghhhh. sure." I say hanging up then dragging myself out of bed.

I walk to the door and unlock it.

"Hey, I just came to check up on you and see how you were doing. Are you feeling any better?" Selena says.

"Yeah, my virus as pretty well gone away. I no longer feel like living garbage but I'm still throwing up every morning." I say.

Selena looks at me a little concerned but doesn't say anything about it.

"It looks like you've cleaned up in here. Getting back up on your feet I see." Selena smiles.

"Yeah I guess..."

"Have any other symptoms not gone away?" Selena questions.

"There's still fatigue I guess and headaches."

"Any weird cravings..." Selena says gently. I catch onto what she's questioning and attempt to shut it down.

"I'm not pregnant. Sure, I may have had weird cravings lately but I'm not because I've been through this before. You know that. You were there." I say putting my hands on her shoulders.

"I know you don't want to be, Taylor." She said gently.

"There was a time I wanted to be but after loosing-I just. I don't want to loose more then I have already." I say looking down.

The truth is that I've been thinking I was pregnant for several days but I've been neglecting that idea because I wanted it to go away. Everyday, 5:17 I'm up and awake and throwing up. I know it's a symptom but I refuse to believe I could be. Only if you knew what I've been through the past year, you would understand.

"You can't neglect something like that, Taylor." Selena says.

"I can and I will." I say walking away but Selena steps in front of me.

"Taylor, just look at yourself and think about what you're doing. Take a breath. Isn't it better to find out now then be on edge not knowing?"

I sigh and look away for a moment. "Fine. I'll take a test just to prove that I'm not. Happy?" I say.

"Very." Selena smiles.

"I have leftover ones in my bathroom from-I just do." I say walking off into the bathroom. I take this type of test again and set it aside. I put my hands on my forehead and just try to breathe again. I'm not pregnant and I can't possibly be. It's impossible. After a few dreadful minutes pass I pick up the test.
I close my eyes trying to prepare for the results. When I open my eyes a wave of relief passes over me for some reason.
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Authors note: Sorry for the filler. Next chapter is really sad though so prepare yourself for that.

Teaser: "I'm not naming my child that has the same name as a DC villain!"

"But you're fine with Marvel?" Joe says. I slap his arm playfully which causes him to laugh.

Anyways,

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-Madie❤️