Garbage || NovaHD

The House on the Hill

Aleks P.o.V.

Rain was pouring. I sprinted across the cobblestone bridge, before quickly ducking around the corner and below the structure, keeping me dry. I groaned loudly, sliding down to my butt. It was really starting to storm now, and I was relieved that I was under this solid bridge. I took a deep breath before leaning against the cobblestone and watched the rain pour down. I set my hand on my lap, and blinked at the feeling of something in my pocket. Oh. Right. About a week ago I had gone to my old house, and had found the letter I had left for my mother. My runaway letter. I still hadn't read it, even after a week. Honestly, I forgot about it until just now, placing my hand on my pocket. I hesitated before I inched my index and middle finger into my tight pocket, and grabbed at the scrap of paper, pulling it out clumsily. The paper was a brown, mucky color, and was creased and torn from me unfolding and folding it over and over. I tapped my fingers against the crinkling paper, nervous to actually read it this time instead of closing my eyes and crumpling it back up into a messy rectangle. Open it. You wrote it in the first place, you moron. I nodded to my own voice in my head. "You're right, I should just read it." I said to myself. I placed my thumb and forefinger delicately against the corner of the folded paper, but only bent the paper back, making another uneven fold into the worn stationary. I grit my teeth, and shook my head, dropping my hands into my lap and sighing loudly. I couldn't do it. Yeah, it was mine, but it felt as if I was reading somebody's diary; somebody's secrets and desires. I couldn't do it. I shoved the piece of paper back into my deep pocket, and turned back towards the rain, watching as lightning flickered in the distance and thunder boomed in my eardrums. I wondered what James was doing. Probably out at Adam's bar, talking to some other unknowing street rat. I rolled my eyes, letting an angry smile spread across my lips. Asshole. Or maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was actually sad I was gone. Maybe he couldn't stand not being away from me. Maybe. I hunched my shoulders up, holding myself. The cold stung my nose. I pushed the thought out of my mind that I actually missed him. A lot. I re-positioned my jaw, chewing at the inside of my cheek. I tore flesh away, and soon tasted blood on my tongue. I swiped my tongue across the wound, trying to get the metallic taste out. I spat at the ground. Thunder shook the Earth. I cuddled deeper into my sweatshirt, imagining a nice, warm bed. What was the point of being alive anymore? It's not like I had anybody, not like I had anyone who would care. I wonder if James would care. I scratched at my hand out of instinct. I laughed at my stupid idea. Was I really contemplating on killing myself, now? Am I that fucking desperate for relaxation? I licked at my lips, closed my eyes, and leaned my head against the hard cobblestone surface behind me. No... No, I'm not. I felt my throat tighten, and I sucked in a quivering, pathetic breath, falling to my side on the damp grass below me. I will not cry over a loser like James Wilson. A tear rolled down my cheek. I don't love him, I don't. Not anymore. Another couple of tears dripped. He's not mine. I sucked in a short sob, before crying into my sleeve, ignoring the world around me. What had driven me to this? Back to lying on the cold, hard ground, sobbing into my dingy sweatshirt; who did this to me? Why? I coughed out another couple of cries. I couldn't blame it on anyone but myself. I was the one who left a welcoming home because... Because the one I loved... Loved me back. I shook my head head. I can't love another human being... I can't... I shivered. "I'm s-scared," I croaked to myself, and lightning flickered in the sky again, followed by a loud clap of thunder.

Dad died.

Mom ignored me.

Eddie left me.

More tears began to crop up in my eyes. What if something happened like that to James? What if he didn't love me anymore, and left me? Or he didn't make eye contact with me when we were talking? Or he never came back home? I held myself a bit tighter, before flipping my hood up onto my head and standing. No... James wouldn't do that to me. The rain was still coming down hard. James loves me. I clicked my jaw left to right. And I still love him. I sprinted out into the rain, up onto the cobblestone bridge, and towards the city once again, tears still dripping from my eyes. Not like anyone could tell with the heavy rain.