The Unknown Road

69 - Archie

WHEN I GOT BACK to the Grangers, the place feels empty.

As soon as Tessa pulled onto the drive I knew something was missing. Someone. I didn't want to get out of the car... I wanted to run. I wanted to run as far and as fast as my knackered legs would carry me.

I hadn't wanted to come home at all to be honest. I was hoping I could last as long as it took Tessa to get to university and then just gradually distance myself until they forgot about me completely, but apparently my doctors had another idea. My determination in physical therapy sessions and my drive to get fixed as soon as possible had made them believe I was doing it to get home...

But what they didn't know was that I was doing it to run.

It was going to be hard now though, harder than I'd imagined, especially after what Tessa and I had spoke about at the hospital. I've never heard her shout like that. When I left her at Wetlands before all the stuff with my dad, she didn't even shout at me then, so I've never been on the firing end of her temper. It scared me, and it opened my eyes that's for sure, but I still couldn't be with her anymore... not until I'd sorted all the shit in my head. And I had no idea how long that was going to take. But what I did know was that I couldn't be with her while I was doing it.

That was going to be hard. But for her sake, and for both of us to be the best versions of ourselves, I needed to leave. I needed to allow her the freedom to become the person I knew she could be without me.

***

WHEN TESSA AND I came in the door, we were greeted by everybody. And I mean everybody. Mark and Laura were there, understandably, and I got a tearful hug from both of them. But what I hadn't been expecting was for all our friends to be there too.

Devon, Tom, Jason, Chloe, Danny, Charlotte, even Dee and Callum, and as my eyes searched the room, I couldn't handle it. I thanked them all for their concern and for being here to welcome me back, but then I quickly excused myself, saying I was going to change. But instead of heading to change, I limped down the corridor to my room and locked myself in, shutting everyone else out.

About an hour later, I heard all my friends leave, and I could feel my own bubble of rage growing in my chest at the fact anyone thought that was the right thing to do. My eyes had gone to Chloe first, the girl who was supposed to have a huge future ahead of her with Matt at university... and I'd taken that away. I'd looked at Laura and Andrew, whose son I'd got killed before his time. And finally I looked at Tessa, whose soul I had half destroyed when I asked Matt to get into that car with me.

I wanted to scream, as that was the only thing I could think of that could come anywhere near close to helping get this burning feeling out of the gaping hole in my chest. So I hobble over to the bed and grab a pillow before screaming at the top of my lungs into it.

I screamed for hours, until I had no voice left, and then I kept on screaming until I ran out of energy, and when I opened my eyes it was morning and I was lying on the floor in the same foetal position I'd fallen asleep in, cradling the pillow I'd screamed into in my arms.

That day I kept to myself. I got Millie to grab my laptop from my bag downstairs and spent the entire day in bed, trying my best to ignore everyone who came to knock on my door. I only ventured out to go to the bathroom, or to pick up the trays of food that were left outside my door, but even then I barely touched them.

The day after that was much the same... I stayed in my room, not wanting to come out or speak to anybody, but by the end of the day I was starting to get restless. My legs were starting to hurt from being in bed all day, and despite wanting to keep away from everyone, I needed to get out and walk it off.