Chapter 4
|Keith "Kush" Daniels|
I really haven't shown my face since the incident with Alyana. Last night I had a dream that she got shot and died in my arms. In the dream we were married and had to kids. It was now 3:33 in the morning. I could go back to sleep since that dream. I texted and called Alyana, but she still hadn't replied to me. I hope she's okay. I can't lose her. She means so much to me.
The dream felt so real. Is it a sign? Sometimes I wish I could call my mama and just hear her voice. I debated for ten minutes before I picked up my phone and dialed her number. I was getting nervous by the second. The phone was ringing. I was about to hang up until her voice came thru the phone
"Hello?" She answered gruffly. I couldn't form the words. I froze.
"Hello? Who is this? If you called to play on my damn phone please don't call again. It's three in the morning. Goodbye!" I see she still sassy. Hearing her voice after so many years made my chest ache. I couldn't help but shed some tears.
I sat up in my bed just thinking about the old times. Times were we'd go to the same park for lunch every Sunday at the same time just to have family time. I wonder do they still go? I know I haven't made all the right choices in life but I'm in to deep to the point I feel like I'm drowning. I can float to the surface, but I just can't make my way out. There is always a hand sticking out to help me, but their face never shows. I reach to grab a hold to it, but I just keep slipping.
I don't know why I dream the same dream every night. I just do. It's always the same hand, but I can never see the person face. I don't know what's being shown to me. I just want to put a face to the hand I'm grabbing.
I stare at the ceiling in my dark room in a house I wish to one day have that special someone with me. I want that special someone to be Alyana. I want to tell her how beautiful she is, how she makes my heart speed up every time she's around, how her smile brightens my day when it's at its worse, and most of all I want to tell her how much I love her, how much I'm in love with her.
I just need that one chance.
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|Alyana Owens|
I'm sitting here with my bathroom door locked. My hair all over the place, two black eyes, a bloody nose, fingers prints around my throat, black, blue, and purple marks on every inch of my body and all I feel is numb. It seems like I'm going to die in this place if I don't get out. But I'm trapped. I don't want to burden nobody with my issues or problems. I just DON'T. I don't want to be looked down upon or ridiculed more than I already am. I look away from the bathroom mirror in disgust with myself. I drop down to my knees to pick up my blade.
Maybe if I just kill myself everyone would be happy. It's not like anyone would miss me. I look at my blade as if I'm in a trance.
Do it no one loves you.
Die we don't want you here!
Keith could never love someone as ugly and fat as you.
DIE BITCH DIE!
I bring the blade to my wrist and glide it across as deep as I can. I start to feel wozy. My vision starts to blur. My body feels weak. I'm losing a lot of blood. I let the blade drop to the floor.
"Forgive me." I say as I take my last breathe allowing the darkness to take over.
