"if bambam is happy, i should be happy."
yugyeom's words didn't leave jinyoung's mind when he saw yugyeom trying to smile at bambam and his new boyfriend. the word was like venom. and it was killing yugyeom. but he wouldn't show it, especially not to bambam.
it hurt yugyeom everytime bambam said he couldn't hang out because he would be with "asshole" instead. yugyeom didn't want to hear, say, or even think the guy's name. when he sat next to them, he only addressed bambam. but that was only when bambam wasn't completely ignoring his best friend.
"yugyeom, you've been acting so weird lately." it took a lot to get yugyeom mad at bambam but that got him. well, he was more frustrated than mad. and he was hurt that bambam was oblivious.
"yea, i've been acting weird," yugyeom mumbled sarcastically. but bambam heard it.
"i haven't. why did you say that?"
"we never hang out anymore. you only have time for him now."
"he's my boyfriend, yugyeom." bambam was defensive. and yugyeom had never even voiced that he wanted to hang out, or at least that he could remember.
"you've known each other for two weeks! i've known you for 14 years!" yugyeom was scary when he yelled simply because it was rare. seeing yugyeom angry yell was one of bambam's least favorite things.
"you act like a clingy girlfriend! jesus! leave me alone! why can't you just be happy for me! maybe i was sick of spending everyday with you!"
"get out." yugyeom deadpanned and bambam's face only shown instant regret. "get out, bambam."
yugyeom didn't yell but it was somehow scarier. bambam left and yugyeom didn't know the next time he would see him. usually, he knew he would see bambam in the next two days.
once bambam was gone, yugyeom let go of what he was feeling. he screamed as he jumped around his room. he wasn't sure the emotion or emotions he was feeling.
he grabbed a sharpie of his desk and took his pants off so he could see his tattoo. he scribbled over the permant ink in his skin so he didn't have to see bambam's name.
"bambam hates me. bambam hates me. bambam hates me." yugyeom couldn't think or say anything else as he rocked himself back and forth. "no no no no. no! no! bambam!"
"he hates me! i'm annoying. i'm clingy. he hates me. his boyfriend is better than me. i'm creepy. i have a crush on bambam. bambam hates me. bambam hates me!"
yugyeom's parents were home but even if they were he didn't care. he only cared about bambam. he screamed and yelled and sobbed the loudest he ever had.
"he can't hate me. i need bambam. i need bambam!" despite how much his head was pounding, he didn't stop. he couldn't stop. there was nothing else going through his head.
his phone started to ring but he declined the call, unable to let it go to voicemail like he usually would because the song irritated him.
"he hates me! i'm annoying! he wishes he didn't know me! he'll never talk to me again!"
yugyeom thought he declined the call but his eyes were blurry due to the tears, meaning jinyoung heard everything and was flying to yugyeom's.
"i want to die! he hates me! bambam hates me!!!"
jinyoung, nearly running into walls, got to yugyeom's room. yugyeom was on his bed, still trying to cover the tattoo on the side of his ass despite it being completely covered already.
"what are you doing here?" yugyeom wasn't happy to see jinyoung like he usually would be. he didn't want to see anyone. he wanted to be alone. he didn't want jinyoung seeing the tears streaming down his face that had taken him 20 mintues to notice. or how scratchy his voice was from yelling.
jinyoung grabbed the dried out marker from yugyeom's hands and set it down. he didn't know what happened but he was scared. it took a lot for yugyeom to yell like he heard on the phone.
"gyeom, what happened?" jinyoung was cautious. he didn't know what would upset yugyeom so he kept questions simple.
"bambam hates me! he hates me! he think i'm annoying! he said he doesn't like spending time with me! he wants me to leave him alone! he said i'm clingy! i need bambam!"
jinyoung wrapped his arms around yugyeom, not letting him thrash around on the bed anymore. he tried to soothe yugyeom, brushing the younger's hair with his fingers but it didn't help.
"i don't want to be alive! bambam hates me!"
"i don't know why i said it! i didn't mean it! i love yugyeom! he hates me, jackie," bambam cried into jackson's chest. jackson rubbed his back which always felt a little weird because of how prominent his shoulder blades were but it nothing jackson couldn't ignore.
"what did you say to him, bambam? what happened?"
"i said he's been acting weird and he said i was acting weird and how i never want to hang out anymore and i only ever have time for chay. but chay is my boyfriend, so i said that. and yugyeom said i've only known chay for two weeks but me and him have been friends for 14 years. and he's right..."
"what did you say?" it was obvious that bambam didn't want to tell what he said and jackson was scared of what it could be.
"i told him- i didn't mean it! i said he's like a clingy girlfriend. and he should be happy for me. and that i was sick of spending everyday with him. and i... i told him to leave me alone. but i didn't mean any of it. i love yugyeom. i love him! i don't want him to leave me alone. i love spending everyday with him."
jackson didn't know what to say to help. he knew bambam should talk to yugyeom but he also knew yugyeom probably in the state to talk to bambam.
"i know you didn't mean it. i'll text jinyoung and ask if he's with yugyeom, okay?"
bambam nodded. he didn't want yugyeom to be alone but he knew yugyeom probably didn't want to see him either.
"jinyoung said he's with yugyeom." jackson didn't tell banbam what else jinyoung said. that yugyeom kept saying bambam hates him and that he wants to die.
but when jackson went to get a cup of water for bambam, bambam checked jackson's phone just to see if jinyoung said how yugyeom was doing.
luckily jackson was able to grab bambam when he tried to run out the door without shoes on to get to yugyeom's. jackson let the plastic cup fall and held onto bambam as he started to cry hard.
"let me go! i need to go see him!" bambam yelled but trying to get out of jackson's arms was no use. jackson was too strong and he wasn't letting bambam go. "he said he wants to die. because of me."
"you both need some time. come on, let's go lay down." jackson carried bambam to his room and made the younger lay down, wrapping him in the comforter.
even in his sleep, bambam kept repeating yugyeom's name. jackson didn't know what else he said because he was dreaming in thai and the other few words were in thai language.
