yugyeom laid on jinyoung's bed, looking up at the ceiling of the room. jinyoung hated to see the boy look so sad. even though he hadn't said anything, it was obvious that yugyeom wasn't happy in that moment.
"i'm sad, jinyoungie," yugyeom stated with little to no expression on his face. it was a bit scary to see how monotone he was as he spoke.
"what do you mean, 'you're sad'? how?" jinyoung sat next to him even though yugyeom was taking up most of his bed by spreading out all of his limbs.
"i'm not happy. ever really. sometimes i am but then i get really sad. i wish bambam liked me. he'll never like me. he's so pretty and sweet and amazing. and he smells really good all the time. and i want to give him kisses to make him giggle because he sounds so cute when he laughs and giggles. and i love his smile. i miss him. but his family lives in thailand. do you think he'll want to move back once he graduates? i can learn thai."
jinyoung wanted to cry when yugyeom started to get choked up. he wanted yugyeom to be happy. he was amazed by how much yugyeom loved bambam and it touched him. he'd never seen someone so in love with someone. he aspired to love someone like yugyeom loved bambam. never ending, unconditional, and wholeheartedly.
"i really loved him, jinyoungie. i just want him to be happy but i don't think he is. people are so mean to him and he acts so strong and says it doesn't bother him but i can tell it does. high school is dumb. people are jerks. who could be mean to someone like bambam? it doesn't even make sense."
"i can't tell him i love him like that, though. our friendship would be so awkward. i hope he meets someone that makes him happy. they have to be amazing. they have to be good enough for bambam. i'm not even good enough for bambam. can i tell you a secret, jinyoungie? you can't tell anyone, though, okay?"
jinyoung nodded and made sure he was ready to hear whatever yugyeom could tell him.
"one time i hooked up with someone and i imagined he was bambam the entire time. and i know it's bad and i'm gross and awful. i could never let him know that. i feel so guilty for it. how do you get rid of a crush?"
"i don't know, gyeom."
"remember when bambam had his spikey hair? my favorite was when he had it dyed pink. he was so cute. i love his cheeks. i want to kiss them and pinch them all the time. he's like a model. but not just a model. the most beautiful model to ever exist."
"his hair was cool. he was a baby back then. so were you, but you looked older."
"do you have a crush on anyone?" yugyeom always boggled jinyoung's mind. he loved talking about other people. sometimes he would talk about his own feelings like he had but it didn't take long for him to change the subject.
"i'll tell you a secret, too, gyeom. i like two people and they both know and we're going on a date next weekend. we were going to do it this weekend but we all have graduation plans."
"who is it? am i allowed to know?"
"you know them... mark and jackson." jinyoung didn't know how yugyeom would react. he hoped it would be good and it was but he expected more shock.
"you guys will be cute together. and you and jackson are going to the same college. that's so cute." yugyeom still spoke without much emoting and it worried jinyoung. he was usually the opposite, acting happy and energetic. "'m tired, jinyoung. can i sleep in your bed with you?"
jinyoung told him he could and told him to go take a shower. yugyeom shuffled down the hall to the bathroom with his clothes and started his shower.
yugyeom's phone started to ring and to no surprise it was bambam. so jinyoung answered it and let bambam know it was him and not yugyeom. bambam immediately asked where yugyeom was and told jinyoung he just woke up. it was 10 pm there but 10 am in bangkok.
"he's in the shower. he'll probably go to bed once he gets out so you might just have to talk to him in the morning. but how's thailand?"
"it's great. i love getting to see my family. but i miss you guys."
"we miss you, too, bam."
the phone call didn't last long and jinyoung made sure it was over before yugyeom left the bathroom. he didn't feel talking to bambam would be the best for him after everything he had just said to him.
yugyeom walked into the room dressed in fresh pajamas as he dried his hair with his towel. he hated when his hair was wet and and dripped everywhere.
"i wonder if bambam is up yet. it's past 10 in the morning there," he mumbled to himself when he checked the time.
"let's sleep, yugyeomie." yugyeom listened and simply plugged his phone in before he laid down on the opposite side of the bed from jinyoung. "good night. have sweet dreams."
"good night, jinyoungie." yugyeom closed his eyes as jinyoung turned off the light, leaving the room pitch black which jinyoung loved and always purposely kept all light out of his room when he went to sleep. but yugyeom was used to sleeping with a night light because of bambam, not having it made him think of him. but he woukd think of bambam if there was a night light.
no matter what yugyeom did, bambam was always in his head.
