So up until this point, Harry Potter has basically been the centre of attention, and to your shock and (possible) dismay, in this chapter, we will be dealing with a character known as Tom Riddle, or basically, you can call him Oliver Twist plus a brain, minus Fagin the pimp (props to you if you've read Oliver Twist by the way).
K, K, K, so I will tell this story as succintly as possible, so that we can move on to Harry Potter 6, but seriously, if you don't read this, you will be super confused. But after you do read it, it will be as if the world suddenly is clearer :0
Once upon a time there was a girl names Merope, who on top of having been cursed with a wierd name (sorry to all the Meropes out there), she was also a witch, who was conveniently related to the suckiest of the Hogwarts founders, Salazar Slytherin, plus, she her father and brother were abusive, plus, she was poor. Bella Swan, this is why you are not allowed to complain about your life! "OMG I have a vampire boyfriend that I sometimes cheat on with a superhot werewolf alpha dog with sixpacs, my life sucks" :[
So Merope, on top of her sucky life, finds out that the (muggle--non magical) guy she's been crushing on has a fiancé named Cecilia. Plus she's like super pretty. As any normal teenage girl would do, she fed the guy she liked, Tom Riddle, some kind of Love Potion named Amortensia that made him give up everything to marry her and take her away from a life of poverty.
He knocked her up and naive Merope stopped giving him the love potion because she actually thought he loved her. (Mean girls moment, but not really :( And then when he left her, she was surprised! What a way to start a relationship woman, I saw that coming before I saw Delena coming in season 1!
So pregnant, and poor and sad, Merope sold a necklace that had been handed down for generations (since Great Grandpa Sal) to get some extra cash. When that didn't really last, she went to an orphanage, had her kid, named him Tom Marvolo Riddle, Tom Riddle for his father, and Marvolo for his grandfather. Then Merope died.
Little Tom didn't grow up like Anne of Green Gables and move to PEI, nor did he bump into a rich guy who decided to adopt him for his cuteness like Oliver Twist, instead he found enjoyment in bugging little kids. A common activity for bored older siblings everywhere.
One day, a guy named Dumbledore came to visit Tom and told him that he needs to be good, burned his closet and made him promise to be good ( we all know how well that turned out). And then Tom was taken away with Dumbledore to the mystical school called Hogwarts.
When he got there, it turned out that he was evil because his parents were under the influence of a love potion when they did you know what to make you know who. And since he was also very good looking and smart, he easily made 'slave friends' but since that name didn't catch on and oompa loompas was taken, he settled with Death Eaters. (Sources are unsure whether this is from some kind of Yugioh card)
Well as you know he was a parsletongue on top of being popular and had fun for a while opening the chamber of secrets to get back at his muggle dad by trying to kill all muggle borns, in the school. He only really succeeded with Moaning Myrtle. So this popular kid was also racist. But he didn't get in any trouble because he got a tall fat kid named Hagrid expelled instead.
Later on in his life, he came up with a cooler name for himself which he officially changed on his Tumblr page which can only be accessed via a tattoo on one's wrist (you were only invited to the coolest parties if you had a snake skull tattoo on your left arm)
PETER PETTIGREW: Hey can I hang with you guys?
BELLATRIX: As if, loser.
LUCIUS MALFOY: Yea he's such a dweeb right Tom-I mean Lord Voldemort?
VOLDEMORT: Right, what kind of nam is Peter anywways?....Regulus, Reggie! Where's my moca latte latte Butterbeer? Ugh, I'm totally getting a headache right now! (puts hand on hip) Sometimes, I think I have to do everything myself.
So, one day Voldemort thought that he didn't really like this new idea called dying. I mean I think it might have been because of Final Destination but no one is sure really. So what he did was he talked to his potions teacher after class one day and.....
but wait, I'm not going to ruin the story just yet.
Vote, comment and tell me what made you laugh the hardest! (If anything did.) For me, I pat myself on the back for the attitude Voldemort.
Check back in a week for an update on the next part!
