Harry Potter lives in a little cupboard under the stairs with his fat Uncle Vernon and his thin Aunt Petunia and their morbidly obese son Dudley dursley who likes to beat up little children. It's Harry Potter's eleventh birthday July 31th. Harry parents apparently died in a car accident when he was one.
A letter comes in the mail addressed to Harry Potter
HARRY Let me see the letter
UNCLE VERNON No! There's nothing important in it anyways so I'll burn it
More letters start coming through the fireplace and the windows and the vents.
UNCLE VERNON: Ahhh!! How will I ever burn all these letters
HAGRID (a half giant): Harry Potter you're a wizard!
HARRY: OMG!
HAGRID: Just Kidding!
HARRY: What?
HAGRID: No you really are a wizard. Watch what I can do! (gives Dudley a pig tail)
HARRY: Cool let's go
The two of them go to Diagon Alley in London, a magical street that can only be accessed through magic with magic wands (magical much?)
HAGRID Oh by the way your parents were actually killed by an evil wizard who wanted to take over the world and they left you a lot of money.
HARRY: Awwwwwesome..
They go to the bank and collect Harry's money. Hagrid tells them about Hogwarts the magical school that all magical children in Britain go to to learn magic.
HAGRID: You have to wear uniforms and will be fed extrememly well. BTW it's a very dangerous place and don't really pay attention to the rules or else there won't be any story. And here's your ticket to the train at Platform 9 and 3/4. We're totally not setting you up if you're wondering. This is totally not a prank that will destroy your childhood.
HARRY: Sorry what?
HAGRID: See you at the school! I hope you don't get kidnapped!
A couple of days later, Harry is dropped off to Kingscross station.
UNCLE VERNON to AUNT PETUNIA He's totally not going to find a way to get it. Look he's running toward a wall, what an idiot....wait, he just dissolved into the wall. NBD, I hope doesn't come back soon.
On the train.
HARRY: Hey I'm Harry Potter
RON: Hey I'm Ron Weasly
HARRY: Let's blow my parents money on candy and become BFFS.
HERMIONE (a girl with unnaturaly frizzy hair) : Have you seen a toad (totally arrogant) I'm totally smart.
DRACO MALFOY: Wow you're popular Harry Potter, you should be my friend too and not hang out with losers.
HARRY: You're a loser.
DRACO MALFOY: You'll rue this dat Potter! OMG We are officially sworn enemies (slicks back his blond hair)
At the school. Sorting Ceremony: Each student is split up into four houses Gryffindor is for the jocks and gingers Ravenclaw is for the nerds Slytherin is for the self righteous bullies Hufflepuff is for all the rest who don't reall fit into any of the above.
