Peter Parker Oneshots

I will murder you. Love, Peter.

This one is going to be shorter, my last one was like 10000 words and this one will be contained in this.

         Peter was embarrassed. All the kids were looking at him, excited for Flash to prove Peter's "Stark Internship" a lie. Embarrassment was not an uncommon occurrence for Peter, but this was also horrifying. If his superfamily heard about this, he was screwed. Ned looked at Peter, eyes shining. "Dude! This is going to be awesome!" He whisper-yelled. No. No it's not.

~•~•~•~•~~•~•~•~~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

            Midtown High descended the bus steps, murmurs of excitement echoing through them. "Holy fuck we're here!" "The Stark Tower is huge!" Peter was just trying to hide in the crowd. He was going to be embarrassed to death.

|•|Flashback|•|

"Spider-boy! You've been keeping secrets!" Tony gasped, clutching Peter's form - signed by Aunt May - in his hands. "Маленький паук!" Nat smirked. "Это не закончится хорошо!" She warned. Peter sighed as the Avengers all turned to him with shit-eating grins. I was right. I am screwed.

|•| Meh, normal time |•|

"Jones, Michelle?" "Thompson, Eugene?" "Leeds, Ned?" A man - who had said his name was Andrew - read off. "Uhh... Parker, Peter? It says you have your own badge as well? Is that true?" Peter nodded sheepishly. "Uh, yes sir," Andrew looked at him suspiciously. Peter dug his red-and-blue card out of his pocket. "Here," Andrew squinted at the badge. "Whoa! Alpha 10! Nice!!" He grinned. Peter flushed. "Uh, thanks." Flash strutted through the scanner. "Welcome, Eugene Thompson." FRIDAY said. Michelle and Ned walked through next. "Welcome back, Ned, MJ! I see you have gotten yourself badges this time, rather than having your friend scan you in. I will notify the badge producers to make you permanent ones, considering we make these for people who have visited the tower more than 20 times. This, I believe, is your 21st. Enjoy your time here, we will mail your badges to you by 8:00 pm tonight." FRIDAY informed them. Then a ton of students went, until it was Peter and a couple of others. Peter proceeded to scan his badge. "Peter! Welcome back! I have informed Mr. Stark of your arrival!" FRIDAY said, sounding cheerful. "FRIDAY no!!" Peter groaned. "I'm sorry Peter. 'ELS: Embarrass little spider' protocol has been engaged. Ms. Romanoff says hello," She replied. Flash, sputtering, excused himself to use the restroom.

|•|Meanwhile, in the penthouse|•|

"Underoos is here!" Tony announced grandly. "Initiating stage 1 in plan ELS: Avengers, to your stations!" All of the adults looked up. "Let's fucking do this!" Sam yelled, then hurried out of the room as he was faced with Cap's Look of Disapproval ™.

|•|Back at the field trip|•|

"Peter!" Bruce yelled, running into the room. "I need your help. Come quickly!" The man then raced out, leaving Peter to look awkwardly at Mr. Harrison. "I'll be right back," The boy promised.

"I need you to help me. This quadratic is being blocked, can you fix it? I've been trying to get past it all night!"  The man pleaded. Peter stared at the equation. "Well, first, the finite adjugate shouldn't be an aleph null, it should be factored in as a tautocrone. Then, if you consider that variable, the transcendental numbers should become a nonsingular matrix. And if that happens, then the regression line should align with the Maclaurin series, in which the fractal googol will be preserved, causing the induction polynomial to regress! And in that case, the conjectural paradox will be equivalent!" Peter grinned at the man. "Thanks kid. See ya!" Bruce then ran off, spreading the news. The boy returned to his class with a sheepish smile. Flash returned, having missed the whole scenario with Bruce. That was when the vents shook. And clanged. Clint. Peter realized. MJ and Ned, having been there before with Peter, took simultaneous steps back, away from the vents. "Kid!" Clint yelled, vent trapdoor clattering down to the ground in front of Midtown High, causing muffled whispers and gasps. "Kid!" He repeated. Flash, since he was OBVIOUSLY the only one deserving attention from the Avengers - according to him, anyways - stepped forward, in front of Clint, puffing out his chest with a smirk. Clint just looked at him, sidestepped around him, and ran to Peter. "Peter, Peter, Peter, PETER!" The boy in question coughed awkwardly. "Um, Hello, Mr. Barton," Clint gasped loudly, placing a hand over his heart. "Peter! Since when do you not acknowledge THIS majestical being as Clint?" The man asked, waving a hand at himself. "I apologize for not using your proper titles. Hello, Katniss. How are you today?" Peter grinned slightly. "Oh shut up." Clint rolled his eyes as MJ high fived Peter. "MJ! And you were going to be hired as my personal assistant out of the trio!" The archer gasped. "And you're saying you changed your mind?" Michelle snarked. "Nope! You're the most like me and your treachery simply makes me respect you more!" Clint backtracked. "Anyways, Tiny Stank sent me to tell y'all there's a Q&A with the Avengers, so of to the training rooms and then hop to it. Follow me, I'll show you to the training room." The man hopped into the vents. "Mr. Barton!" An intern named Tobey yelled. "They are not going into the vents!" Clint poked his head back out and pouted. "Fine," He grumbled, and took them up the elevators and into the room.

          "Midtown High," Natasha acknowledged as they entered. "I was told you would be coming. Come in. While we have been instructed not to spar today, you can look at Thor's hammer here, Steve's bench press, Bucky's old arm, Steve's shield, Tony's iron glove, my Widow's bite and punching bags, Sam's Redwing, etc. You can touch everything but the iron glove, Redwing, and Widow's bite. If you touch Cap's shield, make sure that you don't pick it up or throw it, as you'll have me after you if you do." She smiled sweetly. "And you don't want Natasha fucking Romanoff after you," Clint warned. "Language!" Steve yelled, strolling into the room. "Hi, I'm Steve Rogers. Enjoy the training room." "God damn it it's the Golden Boy," Clint muttered. "Language," Steve said again. "STOP!" Yelled a feminine voice from outside. "FASHION POLICE!" Peter yelled as Shuri flew into the room. No, not literally. She ran. The girl hugged him tightly. "Dayum, Daniel!" Peter gasped. Shuri burst out laughing. "Back at it again with the white vans!" She added. "Shuri!" T'challa yelled from outside the room. "Oh no, it's King Rules-person," Shuri exclaimed, as MJ ran up to Shuri and hugged her. "I think that he's probably annoyed that you didn't give him any fr-e-sh-a-voca-do," Ned said seriously, earning a high five from the three. "Get back here!" The king yelled. "I have to go. I got footage of him testing the suit by poking it in the same place." Shuri grinned evilly. She then turned and sprinted out the door.

       "Alright kids. Time to go for your Q&A!" Clint announced, leading them into a connected room where the Avengers were assembled, waiting for them. As soon as the school sat down, Clint announced: "Ask away!" Hands flew into the air. Peter kept his firmly by his side. They answered a few questions, then Tony grinned at Peter. "Hey, Peter! Don't you have any questions for us, your faaaaaavorite people in the world?" He asked, smiling wider when Peter's face reddened. "Okay, sure. I'll ask a question to my favorite people in the world. Natasha, Loki, Steve, Bucky, Vision, Wanda? How do you deal with these annoyances?" It was Peter's turn to grin now. "Why, Peter, we could be asking you the very same question about the very same people! We'd both have the same answer: we don't. We challenge them to Mario Kart - and beat them - and then brag in their faces until they're to embarrassed to show themselves to us in the next couple days!" Wanda said with a laugh. Peter grinned at her, and she created a glowing hand so they could fist bump.

"You there. Eugene? Is that what that says?" Tony asked, squinting. "Do you guys actually know Peni- um, Peter here?" Flash asked. "What were you about to call him?" Steve asked, taking a threatening step forward. Natasha had drawn a knife and was "innocently" cleaning the dirt out from under her fingernails with it. Thor pulled out Stormbreaker, and Loki materialized a crap ton of knives. "And yes, we do know him. We know that he is better in every possible way than you are, 'Flash'. And don't think we don't know what you've been doing to our kid. Because we know. And we won't hesitate to defend him." And on that happy note, he waved the school away, yelling at Peter that they'd "talk about his bullying problem after school" and "they'd work in the lab after".

Peter and the rest of the group trailed toward the glass doors where they would exit. Peter was trying to fend off the whispers and looks and anxious questions, hiding by MJ and Ned. "Someone should stab me. Maybe Mr. Loki can stab me. MR. LOKI!" Peter yelled. "Can you stab me?" He asked the green-clad god as he entered the room. "No can do, sorry Peter," Loki said. "Ah, brother, have you finally changed your ways?" Thor asked, striding into the room. Loki whirled around and stabbed the other god in the side. "Ah. Sorry. Instinct," Loki explained. Thor staggered out of the room, and Loki grinned at Peter. "Mr. Loki, you can't just hurt him like that," Peter protested. "Instinct," The god repeated, winked, then vanished.

"Get out me car!" Shuri screamed, looking at the school bus, as she ran away from T'challa inside. Peter glanced back at Stark Towers, knowing that he would be there later today. "Hey Shuri!" Peter yelled, scribbling something down on a piece of paper. "Give this to Tony!" Shuri ran out and grabbed the paper, then ran back inside. Peter and the school entered the bus.

And if, on the way to deliver the note to Tony, Shuri read the note and saw that it said 'I will murder you. Love, Peter', then that was nobody's business, right?