SKIPPING TIME

Chapter 30

Jess hobbled up the stairs, cursing under his breath. Despite Cacee's help, he was still in a lot of pain. Mentally though, things seemed way better. His lungs still burned, but his breath came normally and his brain was no longer tied in knots. Most of the trip through the tunnels was already just a blur.

The only thing he clearly remembered was Cacee beside him, the sound of her voice, the warmth of her arm around him, her body tucked up against his. He hated having her see him like that. Worse, was dickhead Ray witnessing it as well. However, his gratitude overrode even his humiliation. He didn't understand why, after everything, she still stopped to help him. He couldn't decide if that part made him feel better or worse. It was a stomach-ache inducing combination of the two.

And not only did Cacee help him, she also believed him about Chloe. When she first said it, he figured she was just telling him what she thought he wanted to hear. But then he really looked at her and saw that she meant it. She believed him. Nobody else did. Nobody but the one person who should've automatically assumed he was lying. Jess closed his eyes, unable to fathom the way Cacee's mind worked, the way she didn't have any hate or harbor any need for revenge.

The weight of darkness began pressing in on him again. He trained his gaze on the girl in front of him instead of his surroundings and the pressure once again eased. She bent to pick something up and Jess realized Cacee was holding the backpack that contained her slingshot. Not only had she remembered to bring the damn backpack, but now she was looking for slingshot ammo. Cacee straightened, and he knew by the tilt of her head that her chin was lifted. He saw determination in every step she took.

She was ready to fight, despite the odds being totally against them. She wouldn't take the easy way out—the only way that ensured her safety. Instead, she would do her best to defend a man she'd met less than a week ago. Just like she risked getting caught to stop and take care of him.

He stumbled to a halt and stared at her small silhouette before letting out a low sound of regret as the truth slammed into him with the force of a thousand hammers.

He loved her.

How could he have been stupid enough to think he didn't love her?

From the very start, he somehow recognized her as the one person he desperately needed. And that had scared the living piss out of him. So he did everything possible to convince himself it wasn't true.

But standing here now, all his justification for lying seemed as flimsy as the spider webs that tangled the endless darkness. He'd never given Cacee a chance. He'd been so scared of losing her that he refused to get close to her. So he'd kept her at a deliberate distance by feeding her nothing but half-truths and outright lies.

And the whole time, he only worried about himself. He never considered how hurt she would be when she found out the truth—which she'd been bound to eventually. His only concern had been keeping some kind of wall around himself.

Well, he'd managed that much. There was a huge wall now. A giant, insurmountable, Mt. Everest of a fucking wall. A horribly familiar mixture of guilt and self-loathing filled him but it was tempered by his new realization. He didn't have time for self-hatred or guilt. And it didn't matter that Cacee didn't want him anymore. He understood that he couldn't win her over or fix things. He accepted that he would never be with her.

But none of it mattered. All that mattered was how he felt about her.

He hadn't changed enough to experience some kind of biblical forgiveness for Ray. The sight of Ray brought him nothing but fury and disgust. But that wasn't important. Cacee was important. So Ray would not turn himself in to The Station because that would break Cacee's heart. No. Ray would survive. And if Jess needed to die himself to protect Ray, then that's what he would do.

He willed the pain away and began moving faster as a sense of purpose filled him. He would keep Ray alive and get Cacee home. Somewhere, it was possible his mother still waited for him to fulfill his promise to come home to her. But even that didn't matter as much as this. Although it killed him to leave her alone, protecting Cacee and Ray was the one thing he had to do. It would make up for the rest of his wasted life and, even if he died, it seemed like his mother would somehow know he did the right thing and could finally be proud of him.

He'd wondered for years why he'd even been born, wondered what kind of God put him here for the sole purpose of leaving him alone and constantly afraid. He wouldn't take back one second of it now. Not a single punch or kick. Not a single night of hunger. Not a single day of missing home. All of it lead him here, to this time and place. To Cacee. And if he never did a single thing with his life but save hers, that would be enough.

***

Life spun and spent me like a dime

But still lead me to this place and time

And it's here I finally open my eyes

My fate I finally realize

It all comes down to one thing: you

In a world of lies

You're the one thing true

So if sorrow is your prison

And he holds the key

I'll protect him

So he'll set you free

And if my souls one purpose

As it flew from the Guf,

Was only to save you

For me, it's enough.

THE END