Bachelor Series #3:Hidden Desires(Completed)

Chapter 18

Zayne Carson

"Zayne"

I heard my friend who suddenly barged into my room said.

It's Tyson Martin.

Naisipan kong dito muna tumuloy sa bahay niya.

"Ilang araw ka ng tulala. Ni hindi ka nga kumakain. I bet wala kaparing tulog at nagkukulong ka lang dito sa kwarto."

He said with a concerned tone.

Pero hindi ko sya pinansin at nanatili paring nakatulala sa kisame.

"Headline ka parin Zayne nung sinapak mo si Leroy. Just what are you thinking?sa party pa talaga ni Nickos. Alam mo kung gaano siya kakilalang tao. Alam kong hindi naman ito makakaapekto sa business mo. Pero ilang ulit bumalik dito ang step mom mo at tinatanong kung nakita na ba kita. Nag aalala na sila sayo Zayne."

Mahabang sintemyento nito. 

But then again I didn't gave him any glance and simply ignored him while still looking at the ceiling of this room. I heard him sighed then sat beside me.

"That night. Nasa labas ako noon.. Balak ko sanang magpahangin lang pero mukang di nyo ako napansin dahil sa drama ninyo... I didn't mean to, but I accidentally overheard everything Zayne."

Muling saad niya.

Mahigpit ko nalamang na naikuyom ang mga kamao ko, kasabay ng mga butil ng luhang nag unahan nanamang tumulo.

"I killed my own child. I almost raped the woman I love...Ang gago ko! I'm a huge jerk, a scumbag!"

Sigaw ko. Paulit ulit na nagrereplay sa utak ko ang mga sinabi ni Altheah nang gabing iyon.

And everytime I remember it, my heart would twist in so much pain, as if it is slowly ripping into shreds.

Hinding hindi na ako mapapatawad pa ni Altheah sa nagawa ko. 

Hell I just wanted to kill my d*mned self right now! But thinking that I wouldn't be able to say apologize and see Altheah again is always stopping me.

I don't want to die without repenting just like my mom did.

I want her forgiveness, I badly want it even if I don't deserve it. Ayokong takasan ito. Bahala ng magdusa ako, dahit dapat lang naman talaga iyon saakin.

 But how can I ask for forgiveness it if Even myself I couldn't forgive?

I killed my own child...

"Mula noong mawala si theah sayo alam kong halos araw araw ang naging pagdurusa mo. Kaya nga nasasabihan kang chismoso dahil sakaniya diba? Pinipigilan mo ang sarili mong hanapin siya ng ilang taon pero pabalik balik ka saming mga kaibigan mo kasi gusto mong makibalita, hindi mo lang masabi."

Sambit nitong mariing nagpapikit saakin.

"If only I took her seriously back then, If only I wasn't a fool."

Mapait kong saad habang lumuluha.

"Yeah right, you're a rotten jerk. But you're not a bad person. Wala ng magagawa ang what ifs mo dahil nangyari na. Wala ka sa sarili noon, pero hindi sana mangyayari ang lahat ng iyon kung sineryoso mo na noon pa si Altheah. I witnessed how much you love her even before. Sadyang nakakulong ka lang sa past mo kaya hindi mo magawang tanggapin iyon. To tell you the truth, you don't deserve her forgiveness at all, hindi na maibabalik pa ang oras."

Malamig na saad ni Tyson.

"The best thing to do is just leave her alone. I think you already got the closure. Past will continue haunting you two, it's suffocating. Magkakasakitan lang lalo kayo kapag ipinagpatuloy niyo ito."