Hurt ♥ A Niall Horan Fan Fiction

Chapter 5

I was soaked head to toe, in the rain. Normally I'd accept this. Maybe even be happy that I'm in the rain because it's my favorite type of weather. But right now all it's doing is hiding my over dramatic tears. I was glad for my breath back, but now all I'm doing is shivering. My teeth are chattering, and I start to wonder why your teeth chatter when it's cold.

 I think of anything but my haunting thoughts .All I think of is how much I mess things up. How much I get in the middle of things. Why do I run out of things whenever something goes wrong? Am I really so weak? I just don't want to be here right now. Is there a way I can simply disappear off the earth without actually trying to kill myself? I'm trying not to think. I'm trying so hard not to. I promise I am.

I heard someone shouting for my name, but I wasn't going to reply. All they wanted was to find me and ask what was wrong with me. But not the kind that actually cared. The kind that pretended to care, and then turned on you right after.

Finally, I understood who was calling for me. It was Harry. I feel like I could talk to him. I mean, he doesn't live here. He doesn't know me, so it'd be a perfect person to talk to. Should it really matter if he cared or not? I don't think so at least.

When he comes into view he sees me as well, "Tessa... there you are." He says out of breathe. I don't know why someone would try to run after me. There is no point. I'm a broken mirror.

 "Hey." I barely got out.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

"No," I say looking out into the distance squinting my eyes. It's something I did when I tried to stop more tears from falling.   

"What's on your mind?"

Even if he didn't give a shit about what I had to say, I guess it was still good to get out. There was still a fear inside me he would judge me. People do that far too often which bothers me.

"Well, a part of me wants to tell Niall to leave me alone, and another wants to see if he has changed. A part of me wants to be happy, and another wants to be sad. I usually think I can never be happy because I've never deserved happiness. I used to have so many friends when I was younger. Then, people hated me. I never did anything. I tried so hard to be what everybody wanted and that wasn't possible. The truth is, is the more you try to fill up to somebodies expectation the more they hate you. You're never good enough. That's why I hate myself." I finish. It felt great to say I hated myself. Is that sad to say? I don't think so.

"The truth is, you probably never had to try. Tessa, you never needed to change. You needed to stick up for yourself, because everyone else wasn't strong enough to do it for you. That's the truth. You just needed somebody. One person is all you needed. But now, you have a chance to put all that bullshit behind you. Because you are so strong; you can do this Tessa. You just need to forget all of this and be yourself. It's all that matters."

I stayed silent for a minute thinking this through. Tears pooled in my eyes and I couldn't hold in the sobs. It's not that he was being blunt and it hurt. It was because he was right. He told me what I needed to hear. He held me close to him rubbing my back, and telling me things.

"You are worth it."

"You can get better."

You are strong."

I've never been told that, and it felt good. It hurt me as well. I've never been told that. I was alone for all these years, supporting everybody, and helping everybody, and didn't get anything in return. But it also angered me inside because I didn't feel that way. I would never feel that way. No matter how much I got told that, I wouldn't ever feel it. I wasn't worth it and I wasn't strong. If I was strong I wouldn't have scars on my body. My body boiled with anger but instead all I said was:

"Thank you, Harry." I say tiredly, and fell asleep.

I woke up, to a warm comfy bed. I opened my eyes and realized I was in my bed, snuggling with my pillow. Whoever brought me here I was thankful. I needed it. The warmth and the comfort it gave me. I got out of the bed and I was in nice comfy P.J.s. I think that is my favorite part of my bed. Just being warm and comforted... and even when you are crying your pillow will hide the sobs. I don't know, that might just be me.

I go to the bathroom, and come out after washing my hands. I walked downstairs to find Karmin, Harry, and Niall watching a movie on Netflix. They all seem to be perfectly fine without me. It's always like that. Fucking Tessa, stop letting jealousy get to you.

Without looking back Karmin says, "Foods on the stove."

Harry looks back and smiles comfortingly, and I smile back.

I head into the kitchen and look onto the stove; it's a huge pot and inside is chicken noodle soup. It looks super yummy. My parents always made this for dinner on cold days. You had to put the chicken in, as it was separately cooked, and I never did put it in I just ate the soup as it was. The made the noodles themselves and cut up carrots and put the broth in.

It tasted unimaginably good. I got myself some noodles and broth from the pot at sat at the dinner table by myself as I ate. I finished the bowl, and my stomach was satisfied. I went over to the couch and sat by Karmin. I didn't actually ever pay attention to the movie I just thought about today's events.

It was a long day. I don't know why I always had to be so dramatic and let my feelings get in the way of everything. If I didn't do that, my life would be a much better place I think for everyone. I think it annoyed others when I let my feelings get in the way. But I couldn't help it. It just somehow happens. I think I was going to forget my past, and start acting like myself. It was the best decision I've made in a long time.