Hurt ♥ A Niall Horan Fan Fiction

Chapter 8

 We got to school, and Luke was in the front with the group of guys. Niall was also in the front, but he was sitting on the bench looking at his phone.

I look to Karmin before working up the courage to walk over and talk to him. My anxiety was too compelling sometimes people just didn't understand. You have a circus of emotions running through your body, but all bottled up and it was overwhelming. I hated living this way, and I knew others lived this way too but why did I have to go through it as well?

"Hey," I smiled at Niall fiddling with my fingers. It almost surprised me when Karmin welcomes him, and smiles.

"Hey guys," he said with a look of relief on his face. I can see why because sometimes it's not that fun to be sitting alone in an open area. You get me? I sometimes feel that way.

He started to talk about something, in which I started to zone out. I was deep in thought, even though it was hard to think. My mind was running in circles and it almost seemed exhausted. I only now realized that these feelings used to be only when I was alone, but they were slowly creeping in on everything.

I sighed and started to fidget with my clothes.

The thought came into mind, and it was weird. Everything that Harry had told me had started to vanish, as I started questioning forgiving Niall and forgetting the past. I wasn't strong enough for that. Some way or another I will break I know that.

It was clear what was needed to happen.

When anybody tried to say something to me I didn't have the strength. When Niall asked if I was okay I just nodded yes. I couldn't say it out loud, because it'd be a lie. I had been this way for a while. It was lunch time, when I decided not to eat. Nothing sounded good, and I wanted to go outside and think alone. I left Niall and Karmin at the table, and walked outside. The grass was damp from last night's rain shower.

I wish I was back in North Carolina. There were so many nice and genuine people there. It seemed so much different there, I mean yes. Every place had its bullies but I just felt so secure there. I didn't have any worries most of the time.

I sat down leaning against a tree, and I felt really tired so I closed my eyes. Ten minutes passed by, and the bell rang to go back to class. Not really feeling like going back there, I just sort of dragged and stayed sitting for a while. Who cares if I'm gone? It wouldn't be the first time.

I opened my eyes slowly, and got up. I started to walk to the detention room to get a late slip and headed to English. The only sucky part of having to go to the detention room for a late slip is making up a dumb excuse as to why you were late.

As the lesson went on I started not to really care about what she had to say. My piece of paper she had us take notes on was cluttered with hearts, triangles, and anchors. It was really messy but I could care less. Surprisingly this had become my habit over the years. I think I got it from my friend Kenzie back in North America. She would always dribble all over her paper and when I asked why her reply was, "I just really like the idea of filling an empty space full of my thoughts." She drew a lot better things than I did but I still thought what she said had a lot of meaning behind it.

My mind wandered down a trail of memories, and how I felt which then lead to me dreading why I always felt the way I felt about everything. My head was a terrifying place, with haunting thoughts. They always taunted me telling me I was terrible, always saying maybe you should just die.

"Tessa? Are you paying attention?" The teacher asks and draws my attention up to her. My classmates are all looking at me.

"Uh... yes." I nod my lips in a small smile to confront her.

"I hope you are, we're taking a quiz next class all about the things we learned today." She smiled, aware that I wasn't paying attention. I hear some kids in the class snicker, and laugh beneath their breaths. It didn't bother me much, just beside the fact I felt somewhat I was being mocked.

When the bell rang and dismissed us from school I hurried to my locker and left school without Karmin. I didn't feel like talking about how my day went or why I wasn't so chatty, or even about the fun things we heard about. Which for me... I heard nothing.

 The house was empty by the time I got home. Since it was so silent I decided just to relax, while I could. I pulled out some grapes from the fridge after much debate between having chips and went to my room. I turned on my T.V. and when nothing was on, I got on my computer.

I clicked on Facebook, and signed in. I hadn't been on this since I was in America. I had some new friend requests one being Niall. I wasn't one for Facebook just because I had never really liked being social. I didn't like sharing my life either afraid others would have something to judge me for it.

I didn't accept any of them right away; I just answered my messages from my American friends.

Jenna: How is Ireland? Is it cool? Have you made any new friends?

I laughed at her excitement and started to write back.

Me: It's okay. I mean it's the same as it has always been... cold and boring. Yes, I have.

I sent the message and went to another. One message from my old boyfriend, but we broke up.

Jarrod: How are you doing there? Are you having fun?

I smiled at the fact he cared so much.

Me: I'm doing fine! I am actually. Karmin is making this way better for me. :)

He replied back quickly, even though it was probably night time.

Jarrod: That's great! Karmin is nice to do that. Have you seen any of your old bullies?

Me: Yes, but they don't recognize me.

I lied, and shut Facebook down. I remember when I first told Jarrod about my bullies. He held me and told me he loved me. To which I replied, "I love you too." I felt I was really cared for in that moment. It was really nice.

Later that night I just decided to go to bed earlier. I fell asleep quite quickly.

When I woke in the morning, I looked at the clock. It was five minutes until the alarm clock went off so I just turned it off then and got up to start getting ready.

I went to the bathroom, washed my hands and then went down stairs to eat cereal, and back up to brush my teeth. I got into some blue skinny jeans and a sweatshirt with mickey mouse on it. I put on some white vans, to match the black and white Mickey Mouse sweatshirt. I somehow really loved baggy shirts. I think they are the most amazing things ever.

I curled my hair, and did a natural makeup look and walked out the door with my backpack. Today, wanted to get to school early and get some of my school work done because I hadn't last night.

Once I got to school I headed into the library, and sat down. I opened my backpack and pulled out my binder. I got my work out and started to concentrate to work on the papers due today. I had two math papers, an English paper, and one for History. I finished them all right when the bell rang, so I packed them all up. I hurried to my locker to stuff everything in the locker and took my binder to class.

The rest of the day flew by quickly, and by the end I had worked so hard I was exhausted. I was really proud of myself for trying so hard. It was something I hadn't tried to do in a while.

I started to walk home, when someone gently grabbed my shoulder and said, "Tessa, I need to talk to you."