Hurt ♥ A Niall Horan Fan Fiction

Chapter 7

I woke up early, Sunday morning. All I could think about really was nothing. My brain couldn't remember how to function nor did I. I guess that's the funny things about mornings. You wake up, and lay there a while. You wait until your brain remembers what you think, and how you feel, but when that happens I guess it sort of sucks. Sometimes you have those days where it becomes a realization way too quickly for you though. You remember all that hurt inside you, all at once and wish you could sleep forever.

Walking down to the kitchen I looked around in the cupboards. I'm not usually such a picky person but a weight is tugging inside of me tugging at the corners of my mouth. I pick out an apple, I guess that will be my breakfast.

 I don't think anybody was home. Karmin was probably in her room, so I guess that counts. But my parents are probably at church. They are into church, but they don't like forcing us into it.

I ate the apple on the couch not bothering to sit at the table. What would be the point in that when there is no really nothing to do that major? I turn on the TV, flipping through the channels. By the time I'm doe eating I hadn't found anything to watch, so I turned the TV off and head up to my room.

I sat on my bed, and pulled out the box full of my journal. I might as well read it when I'm not happy.

I grabbed a journal from the box and laid down getting comfortable before opening the book and starting to reading the book.

Today,

I had my first day of seventh grade. It was really fun! Everyone was really nice. There is this really cute guy, Niall. And he is super nice! Like, can I marry him? If I told anybody that they'd probably think I'm weird, so I'll just tell you.

 I laughed at my old me. I was quite a teenager. I'm not really like that anymore. I stay to myself and don't worry about crushes and guys. But I let the smile fade because I know it won't be light hearted for much longer.

I was a little worried since Luke couldn't come with me to school because he doesn't go to this junior high. It sucked! I was so nervous! But I think this year will be great. 

Signed, Tessa.

 I flipped to the middle of the book.

Today,

It was horrible. Everybody kept taunting me! And the ones who didn't just stood there and watched. I want to tell my parents t that might make me a squealer. I don't want to go to school anymore. I just wish I could do drugs. But to do that you'd need to know someone and if you didn't know someone who liked you that's impossible! I want to kill myself. I want to kill myself. I want to kill myself. I want to kill myself.

All of my pencil sharpeners are ruined. I took them apart... I started cutting. I hate saying that because I never thought I would have to say that. Why? I WANT TO DIE.

Signed, Tessa.

I looked at that page my throat closing. I didn't want to read anymore. I threw the book across the room; it hit the wall and slid down. It was actually really triggering. I could still remember how the first cut felt. It tingled with excitement, the release of my emotions... stop thinking about this Tessa.

I turned over and dug my face into the pillow closing my eyes, and soon falling asleep.

I wake up to Karmin shaking me awake. "Someone is here to see you." She pauses. "Get up, Tessa!"

"Tessa, you piss me off. Get up!"

I finally open my eyes to see her bending over the bed.

"What?" I say annoyed. I was perfectly fine sleeping until she woke me up. What if I don't what to talk to anyone? What if she can just piss off and leave me alone? Hmm?

"Someone is here to see you!"

"If it is Niall tell him to go away, I'll see him tomorrow."

"Well, it's not. So get up."

 "Who is it?"

"He said his name is Luke. He said you guys go back." Karmin says.

"What?" I ask coughing. Shit, I have a cough now. My throat hurts, and I really don't feel like taking to Luke.

Just then Luke walks in. Why is he even here? It's nice and it is also horrible.

"Hey," He says with a smile.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Not to sound rude, or anything I meant to add but didn't.

"Woah, you're excited to see me." He laughs, with a smirk that I hated.

"Why are you here?" I ask again.

"I wanted to greet you back to Ireland, and apologize for you having to see me in that group. I miss you."

"Fuck off." I say still lying down.

 "Wow, I was hoping you missed me too."

"I miss you when I didn't know you turned into one of them."

"Are you serious?" He sighed. "I haven't changed okay? I'm still the same person."

"Mm... that's why you hang out with them and bully others."

"No—"

"You knew what affect it had on me and you do it to others? You're a fucktard, get out."

"Wait—"

"Karmin, get him out of here!" I yell for her.

Karmin is here in seconds, and before he goes I say one more thing.

"Prove to me you haven't changed. Bye." I waved annoyed. I really am blunt and rude, but I don't feel like talking to anyone, or him trying to convince me he's not any different because I know he has changed. I can feel it.

They both left me alone in my room, in the silence. I didn't want to go eat dinner I was too tired. I hadn't even eaten lunch but I didn't want anything right now. I needed sleep. That's all I needed and wanted.

It wasn't like he did anything wrong. It's just he hangs out with them. He bullies others now, and I don't like that. He needs to know what he does can hurt people. He knew what it did to me but it didn't change anything, right when I moved I guess he had to be one of them. I don't know what's wrong with him.

I lie back down and fell asleep.

I wake up to the annoying alarm, and hit it to stop it. I moan, and push myself up from the bed. I was still quite asleep but I still put on some black short shorts, and put a graphic tee with a huge gold heart on. I put my hair up into a bun, and walk into the bathroom brushing my teeth. This morning I ate strawberries, and a cut up banana. After eating, I walked into the bathroom put on my makeup and my shoes. When I was done, I waited for Karmin to finish getting ready and we started to walk to school grabbing our backpacks on the way out.

I was a bit worried for school so hopefully it won't be bad. My thoughts have just been getting so much harder to handle lately; and nobody is helping me.

An actual edit woah 02/5/2014