Afraid ϟ hoodings

19: He just can't help it

After Luke left, Calum did his little happy dance, knowing that Luke admitted that he enjoyed the kiss they shared. Maybe he should ask Luke to be his boyfriend?

However that is the one thing calum is afraid to do. What if luke just liked the kiss, and didn’t like him. He couldn’t afford to loose his best friend; its happened many times before, and he hopes this time will be different with luke.

Soon, calum had settled down, realising he had a text message show up on his phone. He was definitely surprised; no one ever would text or call him, so this was definitely something different.

‘Look, calum, im so sorry for telling Jamie and kyle about your sexuality...i honestly did it for the best.’

‘For the best!?’ calum thought to himself. He wasn’t up for any shit ashton was going to say, or give him.

‘youre really up yourself, you know that? Im done with your shit, im sorry.’

Calum patiently waited for a reply from ashton – he wanted to see what ashton would say to his message, before he fully got rid of his contact.

‘please let me explain.’

Calum wasn’t up for that; he didn’t need ashton to ‘explain’. What he wanted was to delete everything connecting to ashton, so he didn’t have to hear his ‘little white lies’.

‘no, ashton. Ive honestly heard enough. Don’t call or text me again. Bye’

Calum didn’t care if he was overreacting, or if he was being a stubborn little shit; he really didn’t care. He felt betrayed. Who he called ‘best friend’ told one of his most kept secrets to some douche bags that he knew would spread throughout the whole school. He though he could trust ashton – clearly not.

So with that, calum quickly deleted ashtons number and everything connected – he really did not want to speak to ashton again.

Calum sighed, rubbing his eyes. He felt his eyes water, few tears rolling down his face. What’s up with people trying to ruin calum’s life? His done nothing wrong, so why are people saying and doing those kinds of things.

Ashton wasn’t the first one to do and say something like that before. Once upon time, calum had this one friend who stood out from the crowd, and would always grab his attention. This boy’s name was Jacob. Jacob was astonishing. He was perfect in calums eyes – never putting a foot wrong in anything. This was when calum was confused about his sexuality; Jacob really made him think. He grew more and more uninterested in girls when he’d spend his time with Jacob. Soon, he found out that he was truly in love with his best friend, who was openly gay. Calum thought he’d definitely have a chance, which made him grow more confident with his ‘sexual’ actions. Soon enough, Jacob noticed, and realised that calum was in love with him. Jacob then returned the ‘actions’ as such, but the feelings? Nope. He was more interested in girls, then calum. Jacob wanted to play around, and have some fun, toying with calum. Making calum actually think he loves him back. So one day, being the confident little bastard calum was, he stood up, and asked Jacob privately – after taking him on an expensive date, to be his boyfriend. Now this is when Jacob became very distant from calum, and of course, poor calum had no idea why. He was absolutely heartbroken though. His true love shattered his heart, by saying ‘no’. Calum just thought that Jacob wanted to hang out with some of his other friends, instead of spending most his time with calum, but soon, one of his ‘girl’ friends, told calum that Jacob just wanted to toy with him to have some fun. Calum genuinely thought he’d never fall in love again. Since then, he became afraid. Afraid of doing things; Ambitious things; Falling in love; making friends; asking people on dates; asking people to be his boyfriend; he was genuinely afraid to do anything. But when he met luke, the first day he moved to that school, his fears faded, but not completely.

He is still afraid to ask someone out; still afraid to speak up and say his opinion; still afraid to kiss someone. He wishes he wasn’t – he just can’t help it.

He hates his past more than anything, and wishes he could possibly go back in time and never fall in love with Jacob. Go back in time when his parents hadn’t died, and his sister hadn’t left. Maybe he could’ve convinced her better then he’d tried, and maybe she would have possibly changed her mind and stayed here with him.

But calum is mainly happy how his life turned out to be – luke! Luke makes him happiest the most. Although he still lives alone, and cannot undo his parents death, and convince his sister to stay, he still lives happy.

Calum hasn’t heard from Michael in a while – maybe he was just busy? He knew luke and Michael were really his only friends. He didn’t want to call ashton a friend, after what he’d done, but ashton had that effect on someone, where, no matter how much he seems to hurt you, you still find the good in him, and continue to love him. And that was one of the affects he had on calum, though he didn’t love ashton more than a friend.

His whole life since Jacob, calum had wanted to meet someone that would really understand him, or would fall in love with him, and not be afraid to admit it; unlike him.

What calum dreads the most, is losing someone like luke, in his life. He’s already experienced that with Jacob, and doesn’t need something like that to happen again.

_______________________________________

HEY! So i updated!!

OMFG ITS LUKE 18TH TODAY DCVHFDJEDFGBDUWEJFGBDHJEFWB GFFYHFEWGHNFEWHBFDJFDVBFKJEBFJ,WRFBDJM

IF YOU LISTEN CLOSLY YOU WILL BE ABLE TO HEAR MY CRIUES AND SCEAMS FHNBHEWNFDGHBKNFEGFH

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? TIME FLIES LIKE TOOOOOOO FAST. IT FUCKING FELT LIKE YESTERSAY ASHTON TURNED 20! WHY THE FUCK IS LUKE 18 THEN ? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US LIFE?

Ok im better.

NOT REALLY I DONT THINK ILL EVER BE ‘OKAY’ OR ‘BETTER’ OR ‘ALRIGHT’ OR ‘FINE’ EVER AGAIN LIUKE SHIT LUKE HEMMMINGS IS FUCKING 18 (FRIENDLY REMINDER HES LEGAL) AND ASHTON IS 20 IN THE SAME FUDGING MONTH!

SYVCHDS

Oh and bythe way, on twiiter theres this tag, #5sosLikeSocks and what the fuk is it? Im so damn confuckled. Like some people are saying it a tour and some arwe jut saying theyre xoming home ‘n shit but wtf am i suppose to think? They said ‘Friday’ like wtf is happening on fridayt? Do i nered to be ready or some shit?

Oh gosh, i am so fukijg sirry for that weird yet unnecessary ramble. You probs skipped it lul.

Comment ‘18’ if you read this far lol hi yourre an awesome reader ily x