Poems For People Who Don't Deserve Them

Zene

I don't know what I did for the universe to drop you on my doorstep, all hairy and dark and brooding like you had some sort of secret you were keeping from the world, but I'm thankful for whatever it was.

You see, a little backstory, I haven't felt anything in a while.

No emotion, no anything for such a long time I began to forget what the sensation even consisted of.

I lived for such a while that my "fake" emotions became real in a way,
to myself.

My form of feeling,
my own scale of pain.

One I could control-
most of the time.

Yet one I could never get right was sentiment,
but you just-
you fuck everything up for me.

My system,
my mind.

I don't know what to think of half the time so my mind just occupies it with you.

Your face,
your smile,
the way you stare at me when I'm not looking.
I can see it, kitty, I can feel your emotions through your eyes.

I've become so accostomed to reading other people's energy waves
to get a physical feeling for how I'm supposed to react,
that when my body does it naturally-
around you,
I feel at home.

I haven't felt at home is such a long time and that terrifies me,
because the last time I had a home it was ripped away from me.

I'm feeling-
emotions that I haven't felt in so long;
I can't believe I forgot something that was once so familiar.

My mind is either constantly running or at a stand still-
it's always a jumbled mess of cords but you're always thrown in there somewhere.

I'm a mess,
I know that,
but you make me find the beauty in that mess and I only wish I could return the favor.

Teach you how to love yourself the way I do.

A kind of love that isn't just butterflies and fireworks,
but it's deep and rooted.

It's home.

I want you to feel as much at home in your own skin
as I do in your arms.

I don't know what I did to deserve you,
but I won't question anything anymore as long as youre the answer.

Every.

Time.